Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
Wonderful to catch up this week, with so much happening especially in Zimbabwe at this time of the year. What with schools about to close for end of year and the festive season, with Black Friday deals pulling shoppers. Harare is abuzz and will sure be buzzing all weekend since yesterday. Some schools have prize-giving ceremonies, and parents are running around buying gifts and preparing for these special events. For some, it is exciting and has come at the “right time” at monthend — for others however, especially with financial challenges, it is a source of distress.
This week I am inspired to talk about the inexhaustible topic of finances. Money is often called the “silent partner” in marriage. Whether there is too little or too much, finances can pause, strain, or even derail the intimacy between spouses. Couples who fail to recognise the impact of money on their relationship risk being blindsided by challenges that could have been anticipated and addressed.
The strain of financial woes
Insufficient income brings obvious stress: unpaid bills, mounting debt, and the anxiety of not knowing how tomorrow’s needs will be met, what children will eat or wear, what to do for them over the holidays — the list is endless. But beyond the numbers, financial woes can erode trust and intimacy.
One partner may feel burdened by responsibility, while the other feels guilty or inadequate. Resentment builds when sacrifices are uneven — when one spouse curtails spending while the other continues as usual.
Couples must talk about money not only when there is a crisis, but consistently, so that financial decisions reflect shared values rather than hidden frustrations.
Practical steps for couples facing financial lack include:
- Budgeting together: Go back to the basics. Transparency prevents suspicion and builds trust.
- Acknowledging emotions: Naming the fear or guilt associated with money helps partners support each other.
- Seeking solutions jointly: Whether it is side hustles, debt counselling, or lifestyle adjustments, teamwork is key.
The challenges of wealth
Ironically, abundance can be just as dangerous. Wealth introduces temptations: lavish spending, new social circles, and the subtle pride of ‘moving up.’ Some spouses, intoxicated by success, begin to shun their partner, finding less and less in common with them.
Ramit Sethi, bestselling author and host of “I Will Teach You To Be Rich”, warns that “successful married couples handle money with honesty, structure, and mutual respect. They talk about money regularly — not just during fights”. Without such intentionality, wealth can create distance rather than closeness, a rift rather than an unshakeable bond.
Challenges of abundance include:
- Lifestyle drift: One partner adapts to new luxuries while the other feels left behind.
- Social displacement: New business or social circles may exclude the spouse, creating loneliness.
- Identity shifts: Money can amplify traits —generosity or selfishness — that were always present in a spouse.
Recognising signs of a drifting spouse
Couples should watch out for behaviours that signal change:
- reduced interest in shared routines or traditions.
- Increased secrecy around finances or social engagements.
- Dismissive attitudes toward the spouse’s opinions or contributions.
- A growing sense of “we have nothing in common anymore.”
These are NOT automatic signs of betrayal, but they are red flags that require honest conversation and nipping in the bud.
Does money change people or people change because of money?
The age-old question remains: does money change a person, or simply reveal who they always were? I reckon money magnifies character. A generous person with wealth becomes more generous; a selfish person becomes more selfish. What matters is whether couples anticipate these shifts and prepare for them.
Foolproofing the marriage
To cushion relationships against financial trials, couples can consider these:
- Schedule regular money check-ins: Not just about bills, but about dreams, fears, and values. Unity in financial management helps prevent money from becoming a wedge.
- Agree on boundaries: How much to spend, save, give and invest.
- Stay emotionally connected: Wealth or lack should never replace affection, respect, and shared purpose.
- Pray and reflect together as a lifestyle, not once in a while or when crisis strikes: For couples of faith, spiritual grounding provides perspective beyond material gain.
Scripture offers timeless wisdom: Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’(Hebrews 13:5 NKJV). This verse reminds us to desist from greed, that money should never be the master of our lives, but God Himself.
Closing the gap
If one spouse begins to drift due to new circles or opportunities, the other must resist shock or despair. Instead, they should:
Express curiosity: Learn about the new world their partner is engaging in.
Invest in self-growth: Develop skills, interests, or networks that keep them relevant and confident.
Reaffirm shared identity: Celebrate the journey together, rather than competing for attention.
Marriage is not static. People change, circumstances shift, but love can adapt. The question is not whether change will come — (because we know it will)— but whether couples will allow change to destroy their marriage or strengthen it. What will it be for you? What adjustments can you make to ensure you rise together as a couple?
Final thoughts
Money, whether abundant or scarce, is a test of unity. Couples who talk openly, respect each other’s perspectives, and keep love at the centre can withstand both poverty and prosperity. The goal is not to avoid change, but to manage it together.
Share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section or:
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Email: lainanaledimakuzha@ gmail.com
