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Cuthbert Mavheko, Features Correspondent
SINCE time immemorial, the institution of marriage has been the glue and cement that holds society together. While marriage is supposed to be a sacred, lifetime union, the bitter reality is that the proliferation of marriage breakups in the country demonstrates, beyond a shadow of doubt that our moral barometer as a nation is falling with mind-boggling rapidity.
Zimbabwe reportedly witnessed a stark surge in divorce cases in 2024, with 3 214 cases recorded across the country, compared to 2 149 cases in 2023.
What adds salt to injury is that even some evangelical churches are feeling the disaster of marriage breakups.
Today, there are some churches, which are under the leadership of divorced pastors. It should be noted that in the golden past, marital breakups were a rare phenomenon. When a couple tied the knot, it was always “till death do us part”. But this is no longer the case nowadays. Many people now view divorce as a parachute out of their marital squabbles. But what is causing so many marriages to break up? This is a question that is uppermost in the minds of many people.
Marital infidelity, domestic violence and financial constraints have been cited as some of the reasons why married couples are divorcing. Of course, no sane person can deny that these are contributory factors.
However, some marriage counsellors pontificate that premarital dating influences the outcome of a marriage.
One Christian marriage counsellor said: “In our research we found that premarital dating has a positive or negative effect on a marriage. Improper dating is causing most marriage breakups. Couples dating towards marriage should never enter into marriage before they get well acquainted with one another.
“They must take time to get to know each other first before they decide to get married. Getting to know each other doesn’t happen on the spur of the moment, it takes time but it is vital in dating towards a successful marriage. It is also important to remind dating couples that true love is essential during the dating period. This love must be built on a solid foundation of mutual respect and understanding, not fantasy. Dating couples must also avoid premarital sex.
“And most importantly, they should never leave God out of the dating process, like most people are doing these days. Coming to know God is the most important quest in life. You get to know God by studying the Holy Bible and regularly praying to Him. Couples should use the Bible, which is God’s Instruction Manual to mankind, as their guideline in dating towards marriage, and should continue doing so when they get married. God’s presence in their lives can tear down walls that may seem insurmountable and bring joy and happiness in their marriages.”
Father Alexio Mukaro, a Roman Catholic priest and marriage counsellor, echoed similar sentiments: “Many people in the world today do not believe that God exists, and that the Holy Bible is His authoritative Word. But the truth of the matter is that God exists.
The Holy Bible is the infallible, divine revelation of truth, revealed by the very Creator of mankind. In fact, there’s present-day proof of the existence of God and the authenticity of the Bible. In dating towards marriage, couples should seek the guidance of God in order to find suitable marriage partners. If you have faith in Jesus Christ and use the Holy Bible as your guide, you can be assured that the Lord Himself will guide you in finding a suitable wife or husband,” said Father Mukaro.
However, of more concern, if not alarming altogether, is the fact that in today’s permissive society, many people think dating and sexual intimacy go hand in hand. The frank truth is that sex did not simply evolve without purpose as proponents of the widely-acclaimed theory of evolution would have us believe.
The Holy Bible reveals that sex was designed and created by God. He is the one who made the human body and designed sex, not only for human reproduction, but also as a pleasure bond between a legally married husband and wife in the privacy of their home. God’s law forbids sex outside marriage (Exodus 20 verse 14; 1 Corinthians 6 verse 18).
This is why the right kind of dating, uncomplicated by a premarital sexual relationship, is essential in building a happy marriage. Without claiming the expertise or competence of a marriage therapist for an exhaustive and illuminating analysis of such a wide and complex subject as dating or courtship, one would not be totally off the mark to infer that finding the right marital mate is very important in building a successful marriage.
To be fair, I must also point out that nothing is more joyful and exhilarating than spending a long and happy marital life together with the right husband or wife.
It is no hidden secret that in choosing a marital partner, most people today usually focus more on physical attraction. While this is certainly a natural and powerful incentive, the Holy Bible, however, teaches us to look deeper than mere physical attraction in choosing a marital partner.
Proverbs 31 verse 30 says: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing. But a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.”
The same principle applies to a man. The spiritual qualities of a prospective marital mate — a man or woman — and that person’s devotion to God, are far more important than physical beauty or handsomeness. In dating towards marriage, it is crucially important to take time to make an objective choice by selecting someone who shares the same spiritual goals with you and is willing to use the Holy Bible as a guideline in his or her day-to-day activities.
This will go a long way in building a happy marriage. Our benevolent Creator didn’t create human beings and leave them ignorant of the laws and principles by which they should live. A rewarding, lifelong marriage is likely to be achieved when a husband and his wife use the Word of God — the Bible — as a manual of instruction and guidebook in their marriage.
At this point, let me restate that sharing common religious goals and beliefs with someone you want to get married to is very important. What I am saying here is not speculative but based on the solid foundation of experience.
One pertinent observation I have personally made since pitching my tent in the marital camp, many years ago, is that marriage is a real challenge, requiring many adjustments in behaviour and attitude by both marital partners.
Logically, the more you already have in common with your prospective marital mate prior to getting married, the easier those adjustments will be when you get married.
Parting point: Getting married to someone who does not share the same faith with you can create conflict and disagreements in your marriage.
Truth be told, at times, the pace of life tends to overwhelm married couples, leaving them frustrated, tired and barely able to cope with marital problems.
This has often bred a situation where many couples who are married, yet remain strangers to each other.
They seem to share very little in common. Each goes his or her own way, pausing only for occasional conversations, which are often arguments about money, child rearing or sex.
This often leads to domestic violence and divorce. It just cannot be overemphasised that getting married to someone with whom you share the same faith can greatly contribute to a happy, enriching and lasting marital union. I rest my pen.
l Cuthbert Mavheko is a freelance journalist and theologian. He can be contacted on 0773963/0775522095 or email [email protected]
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