Marriage decadence on the increase

Vaidah Mashangwa
DIVORCE, premarital sex, promiscuity, homosexuality, abortion, drug and alcohol addiction, domestic violence just to mention a few are all increasing rapidly. There is a deepening family crisis which has suddenly led to the disintegration of family roles, values and morals. Divorce is relatively frequent and early marriages of the young not only occur but are encouraged by certain groups in society. According to Zimbabwe’s new constitution, the marriageable age is 18 years. Previously young men and women could marry at the age of 16 with the consent of parents.

It is however unfortunate that people who marry young tend to have a high divorce rate. According to research the rate of divorce for women who marry between the ages of 18 and 19 is twice as high as those who marry between the ages of 25 and 29. At present it is estimated that one in every 4 or 5 marriages end in divorce.

Anyone can get divorced, the rich, poor, non-white, white, Jews and Catholic alike. However some authors maintain that the higher the occupational level the lower the divorce. On the other hand some people feel that the higher the income the more people in that bracket divorce. The reasons cited are that the more the income the more conspicuous expenditure and fast-living, alcoholism, promiscuity and so on.

Present ambiguities in the role of women tend to exacerbate marital conflict. Some men feel women have assumed too much authority in the home. Some women are likely to resent the fact that old patterns of male dominance continue to be sustained and women’s quest for dependency might thwart the men’s expectations of a submissive wife.

Divorce is therefore not a result of poverty per se but a result of loss of shared goals, lack of integration of the family and its members, conflict and a general lack of respect of the other partner’s feelings and needs, lack of communication and honesty in every area of married life and the general lack of commitment within the confines of the marriage.

There seems to be more divorce among mixed-religion marriages and those in which both partners profess no religion at all. Similarity of outlook in the partners to a marriage is conducive to a good relation. This explains why rural marriages which usually occur between people of highly similar backgrounds are more stable than urban marriages which are between people of diverse origins.

While all this is going on it must be borne in mind that divorce is usually an extremely painful personal experience. Though there is an upward trend in divorce and a rough 25 percent probability that a marriage will end up in a divorce, people continue to enter marriage at an unabated rate. This is a reflection of the importance of what constitutes a normal and presumably desirable way of life for every individual. Some people might postpone marriage for a while but eventually get married.

The remarriage rate of divorced persons appears to be on the rise as well. This occurs despite the fact that another man or woman was rarely the reason for the divorce. A generation ago the word “divorcee” had connotations of unrespectability but today the divorced woman is virtually without moral stigma.

There is however evidence that remarriages of divorced persons are on the whole not as stable as first marriages, indicating that some people are divorce-prone.

The effect of divorce on children is highly documented. It is often contended that divorce is an important causal factor in juvenile delinquency. Studies of delinquency usually reveal that the percentage that has divorced parents is high and the figures range between 20 and 50 percent.

It must be remembered that divorce is not the sole reason for delinquency but that factors like child neglect, incapacity to give children affection and the personal disorientation of the family all lead to delinquency.

Research has shown that the high rates of divorce are attributed to weakened commitment to any particular marriage and there is willingness by both partners to divorce and try again. The increased work opportunities for women have in all probability done much to raise the divorce rate. The woman’s new economic independence has made not only the wife but the husband as well more willing to entertain the idea of divorce even where children are present.

It has also opened up the prospect of easy remarriage, if the second wife works, it is not economically impossible to support two households.
Marital expectations have also altered and a marriage regarded as successful in an earlier era may today be regarded as unsuccessful. Apart from that some women and men are also marrying for the wrong reasons. This makes partners less single-minded in their pursuit of family goals. The emergence of individual aspirations rather than family aspirations has led to a greater part weakened family ties.

The romantic love that used to exist between couples has assumed a historical new and unprecedented value for the modern man and woman with each one trying to satisfy his or her own needs. Unless this is supplemented by sharing of common goals and activities, it is unlikely to provide an adequate foundation for family life.

The family has indeed changed and the net result is that the husband, wife and children go more or less separate ways. Each one has his or her goals and interests and there may be little common experience out of which genuine interest in and understanding of the other can naturally grow. Much disharmony and tension characterise modern marriages.

Vaidah Mashangwa is the provincial development officer in the Ministry of Women Affairs, Gender and Community Development, Bulawayo. She can be contacted on 0772111592 or email [email protected]