malvernmugadzikwa
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 28-year-old woman and mother of a beautiful son aged two. I started dating my estranged husband three years ago.
The long and short of this story is, when we met, he was complaining about his wife and that he no longer loved her and wanted a younger one. The 58-year-old is a father of four. He left his matrimonial home and rented an apartment for us.
I tried to persuade him to pay lobola for me but he promised to do that after his divorce was finalised, which never happened. I do not know what to do.
I feel cheated because he has gone back to his wife and children after wasting my time and making my life very difficult.
I am struggling to pay rent and looking after our child alone.
What hurts most is that his family and friends hosted a big party for him and dubbed it the “Welcome home prodigal daddy” party. Please help me, Amai. What should I do?
Response
Thank you very much for reaching out to me. Your letter made my reading very sad.
I am glad you wrote to my column because I tell my writers the truth, even if it is sometimes hard to swallow.
It breaks my heart to know that you fell for this man when you knew he was legally married and was a father. Of course, he told you a lot of sweet nothings, but you should have stood by your morals.
It is sad that you ended up bringing an unplanned child into the world. That man was never your husband because he never paid any lobola to your family, as culture dictates.
However, you are still a young woman full of potential; move on and close this ugly chapter, and never again should you fall into such a trap. I suggest you go to a civil court so you may be legally assisted to claim child support. I wish you all the best.
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Guest has overstayed her welcome
I am a married woman, blessed with three kids. My sister-in-law was transferred from another city to come and work where my family and I are based.
Her husband is the first-born and mine is the last.
The siblings reached a gentleman’s agreement that she would stay with us until her company organised accommodation for her.
We are now into the second month and she is still here. It is as if we have lived with her all our lives. Amai, we cannot afford her lifestyle. She is wasteful and has many visitors from her side of the family that come through.
We operate on a very tight budget, but we try to manage ourselves well. We share tea bags during breakfast but she does not as she prefers very strong tea.
She consumes more than one fruit juice boxes a day and leaves them unfinished.
This is just to give you a bit of context. She has been asking if she can contribute towards groceries, but we declined. I feel it is time to accept the offer. How do I go about it?
Response
Hello dear writer. I understand what you are going through and I think both your husband and brother-in-law were unfair on you.
This arrangement should not have passed without your approval.
They cannot treat you like a school kid.
In my view, your issue is not as difficult as it sounds because your sister-in-law has already offered to pitch in.
I suggest you sit down with her and come up with a grocery list.
I think it is a good idea to let her go and buy what you will have agreed upon, rather than to receive money from her.
It is my hope, too, that after the shopping, she will not be wasteful and also that her company will be able to allocate her accommodation before your families are torn apart.
Lifestyles are very different and hard to synchronise at times. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Risky text cost me my job
I am a 25-year-old single gardener. I have been working for the same family since I was aged 20. My boss and his family treat me very well. I am in their four children’s good books.
I have had a crush on their second daughter for some time now. She is very humble and beautiful. She is in Form Six.
I only managed to get to Grade Seven because my father struggled to get money for fees.
The reason I have written to you is that I sent a text message to my boss’ daughter, telling her that I loved her with all my heart and would want to marry her.
The whole family was up in arms against me.
The father used very bad language, which I cannot repeat. As I write this letter, I have been given notice because they no longer want me to continue as their gardener. Amai, I still do not see what I did wrong?
Response
Let me commend you for working hard and earning respect from everyone around you. I think you had bonded very well with the family you were working for and you were now like a very close family member.
They did not expect you to fall in love with one of their daughters.
Technically, there is nothing wrong with what you did because you simply expressed yourself, as well as your future intentions. Practically, you created chaos where you earn your livelihood, which is never smart.
I suggest you talk to your boss if you still want to continue and ask for forgiveness. I urge you to accept whatever his decision is going to be. Try to play it cool and leave the young woman alone.
She is clearly not interested.
Feedback: beckychisamba@ gmail.com; 0771415474.
Tinaye Agere
Online Reporter