adminTHE other week we were talking about marrying for the right reasons because money, sex and love play a vital role in marriage. Here I am thinking, have we completely and totally failed an entire generation of young men? Have we failed to equip them with the tools that they need? Have we raised an entire generation of young men that do not know how to be men?
Today, young adult men are nearly twice as likely to live with their parents as young adult women are, and young adult men are much less likely to go to college than young adult women.
Now I want to make something perfectly clear before we proceed. The point of this article is not to criticise women about their choices or drag them down, the goal of this article is to point out that we have a real problem with our young men and that they are lagging way behind.
Unfortunately, that stereotype is way too true.
We have failed our young men. We did not teach them how to be men. Yes, as I noted earlier, there are definitely exceptions to this, but in general we have a real problem on our hands. These days it is trendy to be a stay-at- home-dad. As weird as that may sound some men would rather stay at home and look after the children while the woman goes out to make money.
Trendy as it may sound, I think at times it is just an excuse to be lazy. Today, our society generally does not teach young men that they should be strong, noble, ambitious and eager to take responsibility.
My understanding of the Bible is that a man should be a provider for his family, so too many a time I feel if your man is failing to provide, you are probably in the wrong relationship as God perfects that which concerns us.
I really and firmly believe a man should be a provider and the woman a helper, for me that is standard and non-negotiable. I know I will be judged for this article but I think it has to be said like it is, I am tired of people who want to get married for the sake of getting married and not look at long term effects of their decisions.
I recently posed the following question via Twitter: “If your partner were dealing with long-term unemployment and you are taking care of the bills and your partner is not doing much to source income, how would you proceed?”
I must say I got a number of interesting responses and a lot more than what I had bargained for.
Attraction and chemistry are easily mistaken for love, but they are far from the same thing, because being attracted to someone is immediate and largely subconscious.
Staying deeply in love with someone happens gradually and requires conscious decisions, made over and over again, for a lifetime. Too many people choose to get married based on attraction and don’t consider, or have not enough perspective to recognise whether their love can endure and stand the test of time.
Well let’s face it, unemployment can leave an individual and a couple feeling overwhelmed, powerless and frightened. In one word, crushed. Yes the partner looking for work can follow all the recommended steps for landing that next job but in the meantime . . . the meantime can be a long time, that is why I always tell people that when you see potential run and catch someone who is already somewhere, because potential will always be there but it will not pay the bills.
As you look at this potential suitor, you need to ask yourself why he does not have a job. Is it because he cannot get a job or is it because he does not want a job?
Why does he not have a job, or a house at his age? Is it because he cannot afford a car or is it because he wants his mummy to drive him? You have to dig deeper into why he is like this or like that. If he is like this because he lacks motivation, is it because he didn’t have a dad who taught him to lead and be a man?
On the other hand, this guy’s heart might be right but his pocket may be “wrong” so I would probably say you should not marry this guy because he sounds like a deadbeat who is going to be lying on the couch for the next 50 years.
The bottom line is that the Bible commands the husband to provide for his family. Whether a man follows the Lord or not, he has to be able to do this. Even if he’s totally sold out for Jesus, if he is not willing or has no way to provide for his family, then the answer (at this point) is no.
If a man can’t provide for his family, then he should be like Paul in the Bible and remain single.
Till next week, let’s keep talking — email [email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>.
Bongani Ndlovu
Online Reporter