adminTendai Mbirimi
Since the revelation that it was not all rosy between Christ Embassy Church Founder, Pastor Chris Oyakhilome and wife, Anita; I found myself too “junior” to comment on the subject. I thought doing so would be akin to treading on sacred lands since God says, “touch not my anointed”. Even reports about the matrimonial cataclysm between Apostle Andrew Wutaunashe and wife Rutendo found me tight-lipped.
For some time, these two events shocked and disturbed the smooth flow of events among the followers of these two great personalities of our time.
After immense soul-searching, I thought of penning this one.
Without taking anything from them, the greatest lesson derived from these two scenarios is that the matrimonial journey has no saints.
There is more to marriage than what we can see with our naked eyes. There is more to marriage irrespective of your calling and more importantly, marriage has no formula.
Marriage is not all about staging a perfect wedding.
Most ladies get so motivated when they attend weddings and suddenly get perplexed to the point of saying “yes” to any next guy they come across.
A wedding is just a day’s event. After the wedding, what’s next?
Like with a journey of a thousand miles, it is important to take into account your matrimonial values towards the intended destination before you choose the one to take along.
When you wear oversized shoes, be ready to drag them along throughout the journey and when you put on undersized ones be ready to feel the pains up to the destination — that is if you will be able to reach the destination anyway.
If you want to amplify matrimonial pleasure, always emphasise on both “self-retro-and introspection” values. This will enable you to focus more on compatibility factors rather than infatuation and excitement issues.
Physical appearance or the cost of acquisition (the ease of convincing one to love you) may mislead you. Not every handsome or wealthy guy makes the best husband and equally not every beautiful woman makes a good wife, more importantly not every spiritually gifted person makes a good wife or husband. Marriage has no saints.
Look for the one that is meant for you, the one that aligns with your values and beliefs, and the one who can make it to your destination.
Be on the lookout for a mirage. A mirage can be there for 20 or even 30 years but one day it will come out that it was just a mere delusion, there was no love.
Some people, in particular most public figures, are in marriages that they are no longer comfortable with but they cannot come out in the open simply for fear of public derision.
There are few men and women, very few indeed, who can come out openly.
Simple incompatibility issues may render a marriage dysfunctional. Real matrimonial affection is in the mind. Once what is in the mind differs from what is on the ground, the more you are likely not to get along.
Our “wiring”, needs and expectations differ.
Take gadgets for example, a car is not a plane and therefore it cannot fly. A decoder’s remote control is not a cell phone and therefore they cannot be used interchangeably. Oranges are not lemons.
Understanding men will help women get the best out of them, likewise, understanding women will enable men to get the best out of women.
When the understanding is reciprocated, both parties will benefit.
Marriages that are mostly based on jealousy foundations have a fairly reduced chance of survival than the ones that are based on shared values, traditions and the same understanding of what a marriage really entails and the roles that both must play within the union.
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