adminAnn Ruthenburg : Marriage Dopctor
HELLO there folks, how is the weather treating you this month kikiki. . .well stop complaining because you claimed you prayed for it right? So here it is, enjoy! So this month has been something else in the Marriage Dr column neh? From wives voicing their thoughts to men retaliating, at one stage I wondered if I should add my two cents worth. But I decided no some of the stuff is thought provoking and he/she who has ears let them hear. So surprisingly I was put on a group chat called mistresses where these ladies wanted their chance to say their piece of mind in the paper. Who then am I to say no? So after one day of hearing them, I took myself off the chat yoooooo toooooo much words for me. But here is the basic jest of what they had to say, but minus the bad language lol. . .
Mistresses Club
We need to speak out now for ourselves, it is so unfair that we are branded husband stealing, immoral, uneducated, thieving and gold digging loose women. All of us on this chat Dr are educated to A-Level standard and beyond. We are beautiful, intelligent and respectful women of different ages. We need to demystify this issue of the wife vs the mistress. A real mistress did not start out trying to steal another woman’s husband. In fact, most of us did not know he was married, or he told us that his marriage was over. Our relationship with these men started off like any other relationship – friends then lovers. So it is highly unfair for any wife to call us marriage wreckers. In fact, if the truth be told, we are probably the ones keeping their marriages together.
People must know that there is a difference between us the mistress and sex workers your husband spends time with. With the sex worker, he just wants sex and pays for it and that is it. These are the same woman you see dancing immorally on the streets at some funerals. True mistresses will not do that. It is shameful and disrespectful. Of course, once in a while a married man may fall for his sex worker friend and eventually make her his mistress. But if she is a true mistress, she will let go of her sexual job and devote her life to becoming a respectable woman for him and the child/ren she has with him.
May we remind Africans out there that there is no reason for you to make such a big deal about your men having mistresses. The truth be told, traditionally it is more than okay for a man to have more than one wife as long as he can afford to look after them. It is just because tradition has been infiltrated by the western culture which says one man; one wife. . .which has now given way to women who could be wife number two, three or four to being relegated to mistress status.
Honestly Dr, all men have the ability to stray outside the marriage, but not all men will stray if home is conducive. The problem is that many wives give their men a reason to fulfil their male desire to chase the skirt. Yes, some women go out there looking for a married man to hook. And yes, there are some married men who have insatiable sexual desires. But many of us are just looking for love. When we find it, we hold on for dear life. Especially if we are told how dreadful the ex-wife was we do our best not to repeat those mistakes.
When we eventually find out the so-called ex-wife, is still the current wife, we can get mad, but it is almost impossible to leave because by then we are in love and we would have invested a lot into this man emotionally and physically trying to restore him to happiness. And also by then we would have developed a “you do not deserve him stupid wife” mentality. This is all because of what he would have initially told us the wife is. . .from big mouth; to refusing him sex; to refusing to cook for him; to being lazy; to having a dirty house; to only wanting his money; to not appreciating him in front of others; to talking bad about his mother; to tearing him down publicly and privately; to even fighting him physically.
You see as mistresses we are very aware that men are also emotional beings, they have a heart too, they have a need to feel and be loved also just like us women. So when they come to us, we are very aware we only have them for a short time. So we treat them like kings. No complaining; no shouting; no accusations; no possessiveness (we know they belong to someone else). We simply love them totally during the few minutes or hours a day or week they spend with us. We express appreciation for everything they do for us no matter how little it is. We are very aware that before they were in our lives we may not have had that.
We will drop everything we are doing when our men call, or visit. Yes, many of us are living in a room or house or flat he provides, furnished by him, paid for by him. And yes many times what he provides is better than what his wife has. This is not our doing, he asks us what we want and we tell him and when we get it, we are more than grateful. We speak his language. We behave ourselves the way he wants us to when he is around. We listen when he wants to talk and do not try and boss him. We stay soft and gentle around him so that he knows he is needed and wanted. We do not talk about our issues unless he asks and even when he asks, we use our words well. We do not use words of blame and accusation. We try and make him feel like he is the king of the castle, the driver of the vehicle, the boss, the head.
You may say, it is not the same as being his wife. . .of course that is why we are happy being the mistress. You as the wife have the pleasure of being with him permanently, but you abuse it and you mistreat him. We as the mistress know we do not have such a pleasure, so we take what we can get, and we bring the best out of it. So the next time you think of making accusations etc against the mistress, think about this. . .a real mistress can take him anytime, but we choose not to. We did not look for your man. He came to us because of what he was not getting at home.
Wives, sort your homes and satisfy your husbands and stop throwing the blame on other women. If you do not do your duty as a good wife, we will take over as the good mistress!
END!
Yooooooo, well, there you have it readers. . .straight from a group of mistresses wanting to say their piece of mind.
So eish, I think next weekend, I as the Marriage Dr will put some focus back into relationships and marriage. . .I shall say my peace. . .so don’t miss it.
Wedding Doctor can be messaged/whatsapped on 0772 933 845 or email: [email protected].
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