Chronicle Editor
Andile Tshuma
There was a trending topic during the week that when a woman earns more, a marriage is in trouble. People shared different thoughts on it.
I think it is sexist to think that marriages might be threatened when wives make more than husbands.
However, it is unfortunate that society has taught us and continues to teach our sons and daughters that a real man is the one who provides.
Kudos to all those making efforts to empower girls and show them that there is nothing amiss about them bringing something to the table, or setting the entire table.
Some marriages are plunged into trouble when a woman earns more. Is it about male ego, is it the woman who begins to think she is the man of the household, is it just about the money, or is it power games at play?
Money has a huge impact on intimate human relations.
The availability, and lack of money can shake unions.
Some men find not being the breadwinner a little unsteadying as they have been brought up to be able to fend for their wife and kids.
Social science research shows that most Africans, Zimbabweans included, still believe that having a mother at home and a father at work remains the best arrangement for raising a family.
I think naturally, most working mothers always wish for longer weekends, more hours at home with the kids, but I would love to think that is a natural maternal instinct. It does not mean that it is odd if a man stays home with kids while a woman goes to work.
The cold reality about making a relationship work when there’s an unusual income disparity is that it takes a lot more effort than relationships with no or a traditional income disparity.
Some women during a talk this week felt that there’s very little point in having a husband if you are earning well and paying your own bills. This was met by a lot of backlash from some ladies who felt that marriage was more than just the money and felt that a woman could earn more and still be happy.
I think for marriages that commence when the woman is already earning more and both parties are fine with it, there is no problem.
However, for those unions where there’s a dramatic turn of events in the financial realm, if matters are not handled well, trouble can brew in paradise. Some women can be supportive should a spouse find himself in between jobs, however,l their support may be unnoticed when a man feels emasculated by the reality of a woman paying for his upkeep.
Some men can easily get past the fact that their women earn more, but the women can turn into monsters. The man may become the subject of ridicule and could be called useless if he is no longer bringing the Benjamins home.
Some women can be toxic when they earn more. I think some would even climb on tables and scream reminders that it is their money that is running the household, which is not okay. I’m sure no one wants to be reminded with every spoonful that goes down their stomach that they are not working and are being taken care of. It would not be fair, but these things are happening and border on spousal abuse.
Some men are toxic too when they are not working. When they want to start reminding the woman that they are still in charge and run the house, and want to demand the paycheck to go and down it all at a bar, before bills have been paid. It doesn’t look and sound good. If a woman is entitled to a girlfriend or wife allowance, if tables are turned, a guy must also be entitled to his boyfriend or hobby allowances as he also needs to have his “pocket money” to spend in the mancave.
This all goes down to the nature of our society and the value that we place on material things and the sharply defined gender roles that are assigned to men and women. Some will not bend; they would rather break than accept that society is changing and so are the rules of the game of life.
As Zimbabweans are making strides towards achieving gender equality, a lot is happening in the corporate world but gender equality at home is somewhat still lacking. For some working couples, it is only the wife’s duty to run the household and ensure that people are clothed, fed and the home is well kept, there are two people in the house, who both spend time at work, away from home. Some men will be in between jobs but will still spend the day doing nothing, waiting for a working partner to come home and cook, do dishes and laundry while they won’t even explain what they do in the house all day. It is not fair and relationship problems could develop because in such a case, one person is treating the other like a slave.
To escape the trouble of the politics of money in relationships, couples must consider having multiple streams of income so that should either lose a source of income they do not find themselves in dire financial situations, and so that a joint income stream somewhat puts them at a position where they are financial equals and view each other as business partners. It is also important for people to understand that times are different and existing gender roles and expectations on money and breadwinning differ from the reality in previous generations. – @andile_tshuma
Online Reporter