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Bee Make A Difference
There seems to be more men than fathers around us.
If you look at the number of cases where men are being dragged to court for child maintenance; you begin to wonder what has gone wrong.
After all, a father should not be reminded to look after his children.
Just last week, Zimbabwe joined other countries in commemorating Father’s Day.
What were we commemorating then when we have prominent men, top artistes and politicians denying responsibility for their own children?
When one is taken to court to maintain his own children; it says something about the type of person they are.
This kind of man cannot be trusted to look after anyone’s interests because they would have failed to look out for the interests of just one child; their own for that matter.
For this reason, there is always much controversy about Father’s Day and its significance.
This does not happen with Mother’s Day because for mothers, once conception takes place, one has no option, but to carry a life and deliver it after nine months.
After that, except in rare cases, the mother will do anything for her child.
With fathers, after the actual conception, the role is more about involvement, support and love.
A father is important in that he must love the child, both before and after birth by being there.
Some men query why Father’s Day is rather low key compared to Mother’s Day. This is a fact; a sad one too, because it takes both a mother and father to make a child. But often a father walks away and it is such men who make the day a non-event.
It does not mean fathers are not valuable or loved. It just means there is something wrong with some of the men around today and they do not deserve to be called fathers at all.
Most messages that were posted on Facebook on Father’s Day showed that unlike a mother whose role is visible since she carries the pregnancy for nine months and go through labour, a father’s role is more about the everyday provision, presence, protection, support and love.
Fathers who help their partners (mothers) to raise the children are what society needs.
Most people who posted Father’s Day messages were grateful to the fathers for being around and not for the biology aspect which mothers are honoured for (thank you mama for the nine months you carried me). In fact, according to the definitions given that day on the social network platform, a father is the man who is available and accessible to his children and their needs.
It is a man who ideally provides and supports the mother during pregnancy, childbirth and all the growing pains that come afterwards.
A father is a protector, provider, mentor and friend to his children. He is the type of man who does his best for his children. Men who leave once they have made a woman pregnant do not fall under this bracket.
Men who have children all over the place and do not even know where some may be, apparently do not deserve this title.
Men who waste people’s time and attention demanding paternity tests in the media for their own children certainly do not deserve this title.
Men, who deny their own little sons’ birth certificates, certainly do not deserve this title.
Men who live in big, plush homes with their new partners or wives while their children from previous relationships suffer in some hovel, do not deserve to be called fathers. Any man who does not know where his child sleeps or if his fees have been paid or if he or she has adequate clothing, is not a father.
The same applies to men who do not have time to talk or spend time with their children.
There are some men who travel all over the world, put their children in expensive schools but never go to watch them run, play football or netball.
Children want fathers who spend time with them.
Absent fathers who buy material things to compensate for not being there and who have never done homework with their children are not the fathers being yearned for.
Instead, fathers who wake up early every morning to go and sell airtime and anything else that fetches a dollar so the family can eat deserve the title.
It is those who mend their bicycles with assistance from their children and those who do homework or walk their children to and from school who know what fatherhood means.
It is those who do school runs day in and day out.
One message that struck me on Facebook read: “I am honouring my father for sending me to school, providing for my needs and those of my six siblings, always making sure we were fed even though we never had all that we wanted. For going to the doctor with me, buying me sanitary ware when it was needed and coming for all my consultation days as well as beating me when I was naughty.”
That is what a father is all about.
The Bible is very clear that the term father which even God holds, is not one to take lightly.
It is about leading, disciplining, providing and caring as well as being responsible.
This is where the difference lies. Former prime minister Morgan Tsvangirai, must deal with the issue of his young child in Bulawayo, if he wishes to be taken seriously by anyone.
Many women are disappointed that he should be taken to court to take care of that child.
As I said in the Macheso case, this child should have had a house provided for by his father.
His fees and upkeep must be taken care of. The mother can help, since she is able bodied but the father must step up.
As a prominent person it is only fair that his child lives a life which is comfortable.
But to deny him an identity; is something which we expect from the lowest of the low in terms of male species; not an aspiring national leader.
We do not expect this of him and a top artiste like Macheso.
Now that it has been proved that Macheso is father to his children, we expect an apology from him.
We expect a house for those children. Their father is a top selling artiste. He should handle his business. These two are not the only ones. We have seen musicians, politicians, business people do the same; dump their children once they get fed up with the mothers.
Real fathers must pause and think about what all this means and how far it will go. There is a deficit of real fathers in Zimbabwe at the moment.
There are too many men who rape and beat women and girls. There are too many men who are corrupt. Even in church, there are bad men. There are very few men who are faithful and loving. Most men are too busy chasing money and sacrificing relationships and family. Who will protect and lead the families if real men; the fathers, abdicate responsibility?
Be a father and make a difference!
Online Reporter