Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
I AM a 50-year-old married man with three children. I am gainfully employed and my wife runs a successful greenhouse project on our plot. My brother and his family have struggled financially for a long time.
To support them, my wife and I volunteered to pay school fees for his only daughter, as she was the most academically gifted among his children.
With my wife’s full support, we honoured this commitment from primary school through university. Over the years, some people even assumed she was our biological daughter.
Now, she is an independent adult, employed and preparing to get married at the end of July. She requested to have her lobola ceremony at our house, as it is the home she grew up in and has ample space for all the invited guests.
However, my brother did not take this well. He rejected the idea and insists the ceremony be held at his much smaller home. To make matters worse, he is now asking for financial assistance to pitch a tent and rent mobile toilets for guests. His demands are frustrating everyone. How can we help him while managing the situation effectively?
Response
Thank you for reaching out. First, congratulations on supporting your niece through her education — your generosity has truly shaped her future.
A lobola ceremony involves financial contributions and provisions, and your brother may be concerned about maintaining control over these aspects. Your niece was not wrong in choosing your home for the event, it makes sense, as that is where she grew up and the place can comfortably accommodate all the guests.
You can help by reassuring your brother that, even if the ceremony is hosted at your home, he will still be respected as the bride’s father and will have full authority over any financial contributions or provisions received.
Emphasise that your willingness to host the event is purely out of love and support, not an attempt to overshadow him. Remind him that the resources you have provided for your niece over the years, such as school fees, time and love, far outweigh any contributions made on the day of the ceremony.
You have already done a lot and this situation should not diminish your efforts. Consider scheduling a family meeting to discuss the matter openly and help him see the benefits of hosting the event at your home. With patience and understanding, he may come around.
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I want my money back
Dear Amai, I hope this message finds you well. I am a 24-year-old single woman, who is gainfully employed. Over time, I have discovered that purchasing clothes and shoes from mabhero offers great value for money.
My neighbour is in this trade and I have been one of her biggest customers. Last week, I bought a beautiful winter dress from her. However, when I attempted to wash it, it completely fell apart. I returned to request a refund, as the dress was of poor quality, but she refused.
Instead, she offered me the option to pick another item of the same value. I am no longer interested in selecting another item. I simply want my money back. Unfortunately, she has stopped answering my calls and no longer responds to my messages. Amai, please advise me on how I can recover my hard-earned money before I escalate the matter further.
Response
Hello, dear writer. I am well and thank you for asking. I understand your frustration, but it is important to recognise that second-hand clothing purchases typically do not come with guarantees or return policies.
Your transactions with your neighbour appear to be informal, without receipts or official agreements. Given this, your neighbour is actually being reasonable by offering you an item of equal value as compensation.
While it may not be the exact resolution you hoped for, it is a fair alternative. Rather than letting this situation strain your relationship, I encourage you to accept her offer and move forward.
Maintaining good relations with neighbours is valuable and this issue may not be worth prolonged conflict. I wish you all the best in resolving this matter amicably.
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Hubby is getting
on my nerves
I am a 28-year-old woman, married to a man aged 30. We are blessed with two young children. I am a full-time housewife, while my husband is a hustler. My husband has what we call manyemwe in Shona, he enjoys being flamboyant and showing off. He frequently invites people over to our home, often including total strangers. I am exhausted from constantly cooking and roasting meat for friends and family. Beyond the physical strain, I also worry about the security of our household goods, as some of these guests are unfamiliar to us.
My husband wants to create the impression that he is wealthy, yet in reality, we struggle financially and he lacks a solid long-term income plan. I recently confronted him about this, but I am at my wit’s end. How can we resolve this issue? I am truly fed up.
Response
Greetings and thank you for reaching out. I can sense your frustration and rightfully so. Your husband’s behaviour is concerning, especially given that he is a father and a husband — roles that require responsibility and consideration. It is important that he respects his home and family. Constantly hosting guests, especially strangers, not only puts a strain on you but also poses risks to your household security and finances.
I encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with him. Express your concerns clearly, focusing on the impact his actions have on your well-being and the stability of your home. If he struggles to understand your perspective, seeking professional counselling could be beneficial. A neutral third party may help him recognise the importance of listening and being more considerate of your needs. I hope you find a resolution. I would be happy to hear from you again.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
