Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
DEAR AMAI, how are you? I follow your column religiously and this is my first time writing in. I am a 30-year-old single man with a degree and a stable job. In our neighbourhood, there is a beautiful woman aged 29 whom I met through a friend. She ticks every box — she is truly a catch. I had been contemplating asking her out, but to my surprise, she asked me first.
I am an African man, Amai. Have you ever heard of something like this? I confided in two of my friends, and they advised me to decline her request. One of them even suggested that she might have a habit of asking men out. I have genuine feelings for her, but her approach has left me confused. I have not responded to her yet because I do not know what to do.
Response
I am very well and thank you for your support of the column. You are right; this may be considered unusual in certain cultural contexts. However, times are changing. Women today are more empowered and fearless, embracing confidence in all aspects of life. Your friends shared their opinions, but ultimately, the decision is yours to make. You mentioned that you have feelings for this woman and at this stage that is what truly matters. She simply did what you were planning to do yourself. Dating is a process of getting to know each other; it does not mean an immediate commitment to marriage. Follow your heart and give this connection a chance — see where it leads.
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My home is not a hotel
I am a 40-year-old man married to a woman aged 38. We are blessed with two children. We rent a three-bedroom house and each of my children has their own bedroom.
However, they rarely get to sleep in their rooms because visitors from my wife’s side frequently arrive unannounced. Some stay longer than expected, turning our home into an open-door guesthouse. I do not mind having visitors, but the lack of planning has left us financially strained. If money was not an issue, I would have sent my children to boarding school just to shield them from the chaos.
Last week, my brother-in-law stayed with us for several days. I ignored him and this upset my wife. I am fed up with pretending everything is fine — I cannot continue like this. Amai, how can I discuss this with my wife without causing a major conflict?
Response
Dear writer, thank you for reaching out. My first observation is that your marriage lacks effective communication. Times are tough and financial strain should not be your burden alone. Your wife needs to recognise how these unplanned visits impact your family’s budget. While occasional surprise visits are understandable, it is important for guests to plan ahead whenever possible.
I suggest sitting down with your wife for an open and honest discussion about your concerns — this is the only way to reach a resolution. If communication proves difficult, seeking professional counselling as a couple may be beneficial. Your frustration is valid and addressing this issue will strengthen your relationship and bring clarity to household boundaries.
Lastly, I commend you for prioritising your children’s well-being. Family stability is crucial and striving for the best for them is admirable.
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My sibling is letting me down
Dear Amai, I am a 25-year-old woman who was recently married. My husband is 28 and we are both gainfully employed. Our white wedding is set for mid-October and we have been busy preparing and making arrangements. In the midst of this, I borrowed US$500 from my brother, who is a businessman, with a promise to repay the loan by the end of March.
Unfortunately, I was unable to meet the deadline because I had many other financial obligations. I assumed my brother would understand that my silence meant I was not ready to pay him back yet. However, I was shocked when he sent me an email a few days ago demanding repayment. He is wealthy, so I feel US$500 means very little to him — he is just being unreasonable. I wanted to respond, but I was too upset to do so. Amai, how do I address this with my brother?
Response
Dear writer, first and foremost, congratulations on your upcoming white wedding. Your letter is quite disappointing because, despite borrowing money from your brother and promising to repay it by the end of March, you did not honour your commitment. A promise is a debt and you are obliged to return what you owe. Your brother’s financial status is irrelevant in this matter. He helped you when you were in need and it is only fair that you fulfil your responsibility.
Instead of feeling entitled or labelling him cruel, be accountable for your actions.
Swallow your pride and have an honest conversation with him. If you cannot repay the full amount immediately, offer a structured payment plan. Showing sincerity and responsibility will go a long way in maintaining a positive relationship with your sibling. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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