Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 32-year-old woman and my husband is 34 years old.
We are blessed with two children. We have a 45-year-old live-in house-help who is wonderful with the kids and excellent at her job.
Because she stays with us, she is treated as part of the family. However, she has an extraordinarily large appetite and consistently eats double portions.
It feels as though we are feeding an additional person.
She has been with us for six months now and it has become rare to find any leftovers in the fridge. How can I address this issue and ask her to stop without causing offence?
Response
I am well, thank you for reaching out. I am glad you have a domestic helper who is both reliable at her work and great with your children, as that is a rare combination to find.
Regarding your concern, you need to sit down with her and have a candid discussion about her eating habits, as her behaviour reflects greed rather than necessity.
Explain clearly that the refrigerator is used for cold storage and that items kept inside are designated for specific family meals, not for immediate or unchecked consumption. It is vital to address this promptly, as groceries are expensive and must be budgeted carefully.
While you should never starve her, you do need to guide her on being considerate, disciplined and mindful of her portion sizes. I wish you the best and would be glad to receive an update from you.
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My partner is so stingy
Dear Amai, I am a married mother of four. Parents on both sides of our family are still alive, and we thank God for the gift of life.
My husband’s parents are retired and live in their rural home.
A while ago, I suggested to my husband that we provide them with a monthly allowance so they could pay their domestic helpers and buy essentials without having to ask us each time.
He initially refused, but I took the initiative to commit my own funds to it and his parents are now very happy.
Recently, I was promoted at work and suggested that I extend the same support to my own parents.
As expected, my husband threw a tantrum, arguing that supporting parents is not the duty of a married woman and should instead fall solely on my brothers. I could easily send the money privately, but he needs to learn to be reasonable. He is so stingy that he even struggles to spend money on himself. How can I win this battle a second time?
Response
Greetings, dear writer. First and foremost, well done on taking the initiative to care for your in-laws. In a healthy, functional marriage, household budgeting — much like every other family effort — should be a collaborative endeavour.
Since you are providing support for his parents, it is only fair and right that your parents receive the same consideration.
Your husband’s rigid attitude and extreme frugality suggest he may need professional guidance to learn how to act as a team player in your marriage.
The reality is that any child, regardless of gender, has the right and responsibility to support their parents if they have the financial means to do so. I strongly encourage both of you to consult with a professional counsellor who specialises in family and financial issues to help resolve these underlying dynamics. I wish you all the best.
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Fiancé got fired
before paying lobola
Amai makadii? I am a 21-year-old woman who is in love with a man of the same age. I earn a living by taking on part-time cleaning jobs.
My boyfriend lost both his job and accommodation last month. He was employed as a gardener but was caught red-handed trying to reverse his employer’s car when he had only been instructed to wash it, barely missing the durawall.
We wanted to get married before Christmas this year. He has saved US$500 for lobola, but he refuses to let me hold the money for him and I am afraid he will spend it all.
Is it a good idea for me to elope with him now so that he can officially marry me once he finds employment again?
Response
Ndiripo kana muripowo. It is commendable that you are taking up part-time work to sustain yourself.
Keep up the effort, as it serves as a good stepping stone until you secure permanent employment.
I do not understand why you are putting so much pressure to get married.
You are both only 21 years old and your boyfriend is currently unemployed and without a home. Allow him time to find his feet again.
If you are truly in love, you can rebuild and plan your future together step-by-step. I hope you are not pregnant, as that often drives such hasty decisions.
Take things one day at a time, focus on stability first and the rest will fall into place. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
