Andrew
AMAI
I hope I find you well. I am happily married and have two adult children, a son and a daughter. We have a plot where we do farming. My wife has a passion for this so we have a number of projects going on there.
Our son, who is the eldest, was blessed with a baby girl three years ago and my mother (his gogo) named the child after herself. When this was done, it seemed as if all parties were in agreement. However, last week, my son and his wife called me to say they no longer wanted their child to be called by that name and they were going to officially change it.
I really do not know what to do. How do I tell gogo about this? I wonder what has happened for them to reverse the name after three years. I tried to persuade them not to do so but to no avail. Amai, how do I go about this without splitting the family? My wife is equally shocked.
Response
Hello writer, I am very well and thanks for asking. What is happening is quite weird and I am just as shocked. If they were not forced to use the name, why is there all this fuss now? But the fact that gogo christened the child herself could have been a red flag. People believe in the power of names and perhaps they believe if the child continues to use this name she will have certain traits like gogo that may be undesirable. There is more to this story. You must try to get to the bottom of it. Gogo will certainly be upset but the child’s parents have the final say. I just wish they had not allowed this to go on for three whole years. I am sure even the baby shall be confused. My best bit of advice is for you to try and understand what has brought this name change about. I think once those issues are resolved, you will be able to go forward. There is really no way of correcting such a drastic decision. You will just have to let the wish of the child’s parents prevail. Advise them though that such a move may lead to frosty relations with gogo if she does not take it well.
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My wife is ungrateful
My wife and I are retired teachers and members of a pension scheme. We also have a small self-contained cottage behind our property and it brings us reasonable income. We have four children – two sons and two daughters – who independently decided to make contributions each month to help with our upkeep.
As parents, we accepted this and thought it was a very noble initiative. However, one of our daughters opened up and told us that she was the only one contributing.
She said each month the other three made pledges, borrowing from her but they never paid her back. She said she now has reached her breaking point. We were shocked to hear this and asked her to stop giving us any money. We can fend for ourselves and we can cut down on things that we cannot afford. My wife, in anger, told me that we must pay back whatever we were given. How do we handle such a case? Please help.
Response
Times are hard and no one has been spared. It is a shame that one of your children had to confess that they were bearing the burden for everyone else. It must have been hard for them to come to you. I think you have taken it well. It is now your duty to inform your wife that it is okay and you must let go. You are fortunate to have other means of income. Attempting to give back the money is a bad idea. You will appear ungrateful. Rather, appreciate the efforts that were made in the past. Who knows? Maybe when the dust settles the monthly contributions will resume. Help your wife see the light and continue to enjoy and celebrate your family. Family is more important than material possessions. It is about sticking together through thick and thin.
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Neighbour took advantage of my goodwill
I am a middle-aged man who is a husband and father. I would like to believe I am doing well. I have two boreholes on my premises. I saw my neighbour struggling because we rarely get council water and I allowed him to get the precious liquid whenever he needed it. Amai, I am disappointed to tell you that he has been selling most of the water he gets for free from my home. I got so angry and shut off the supply to a tap I had set up for his convenience. Please help. I am so confused and not thinking straight at the moment. I am so angry.
Response
Being a Good Samaritan sometimes comes at a cost. What your neighbour did was wrong and shameful. He took advantage of your goodwill. However, you should have expressed yourself clearly instead of throwing a fit.
You should have also fully investigated the matter to make sure that this was indeed the case. I am curious as to how this came to your attention. My heart goes out to all the disadvantaged inhabitants of your area who cannot access water. Instead of single-handedly helping your neighbour, why not inform your close neighbours that they can access the water for free. This could be a turning point in rectifying one wrong and uplifting the community. This could also protect them from being forced to buy the water at a cost. If you have a gardener, he can supervise when and how people get access to the water. You can even set up hours at which people can come for water so that you are not inconvenienced. Once your anger subsides, I think you can be a real instrument of good. I am glad that you are well established and have a generous heart. The community needs more people like you.
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Bongani Ndlovu
Online Reporter