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Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
What can warm up a heart in the most amazing way in these cold winter days? Love, ah sweet love!
Reminds me of a timeless love jam called “Have you Ever Loved Somebody” by American artiste Freddy Jackson. See, when we love by design, it can make us feel like we’re floating on cloud nine, all warm and dreamy eyed — but sometimes, it can also make us act a little strange — if we are honest with ourselves anyway.
Welcome, dear reader, to a light hearted exploration of that fine line between love and obsession. Whether you’re a smitten dating couple, a newly-wed, or even a seasoned love veteran, it’s always good to keep a reality check on those swooning hearts, lest we go overboard and drive that love away or distort it. So, let’s buckle up and embark on this journey of learning together.
One common pitfall in relationships is the infamous temptation of snooping through our partner’s phones. Notice I say, “temptation”, because as we know, temptation can befall anyone, it’s really what you do about that temptation that counts. Let’s set the scene, shall we? You’re lounging on the couch with your spouse, enjoying a cosy evening when suddenly, curiosity strikes.
You catch a glimpse of your partner’s phone, and before you know it, you’re embarking on an investigative mission worthy of Sherlock Holmes. Just check yourself, as this can easily be a sign of unhealthy curiosity that can grow to something more harmful to your relationship. Remember, folks, trust is a fundamental pillar of any relationship, even for those not yet married.
Respect your partner’s privacy, unless they’re hiding the last piece of pizza or an unexpected shopping spree that will affect your pocket somehow. In that case, a gentle investigation might be warranted!
Friends, if you’re married, consider your marriage vows — those sacred promises that bring you closer. It’s crucial to honour and preserve the sanctity of those vows, as this helps to keep unnecessary obsessive behaviour from partners at bay.
If you must know important things from your partner — say you are feeling as though there’s something they are not telling you that you think you should know, giving them a little benefit of the doubt can go a long way, as opposed to the obsessive kind of investigations, or interrogation.
For instance, if your partner has a busy phone, receiving business and social calls, you name it or they have a habit of chit chatting on social media or fiddling with their phone while you are trying to have a conversation — this can be annoying, absolutely, and some will see red, and be tempted to think the worst, but what if you don’t trip, but just let them finish or ask them to lend you their ears when they are done and you let it go, focus on something else not what they are doing — without breathing fire? I think it’s really possible to address the issue or call them out on that behaviour without some of the drama we hear of. Perhaps easier said than done?
Remember love is a deep affection and caring for someone that is rooted in mutual respect, trust, and understanding. It involves wanting the best for the other person and accepting them for who they are. Love is characterised by a sense of companionship, empathy, and support. For example, a couple who have been together for years may still feel strongly connected and prioritise each other’s happiness and well-being.
Obsession, on the other hand, is an unhealthy and possessive fixation on someone or something. It often arises from an imbalance in power dynamics or a mental instability. Obsession disregards the well-being and autonomy of the other person and focuses solely on one’s own desires and needs.
It may involve stalking, controlling behaviours, or a constant preoccupation with the other person. In extreme cases, an individual might become obsessed with someone they like or a celebrity, collecting their personal information, invading their privacy, or attempting to establish an unwarranted relationship.
So in the case of a couple already together and there being a grey area somewhere in the mix, transparency and honesty are the building blocks of every successful relationship. But let’s be real here — nobody is perfect. Even the most honest person might be tempted to fudge the truth about the occasional indulgence or secret shopping spree. Now, dear reader, I’m not advocating for a full-scale confession booth in your living room. However, a habit of honesty can work wonders.
Love can be a wild and whimsical ride, but it’s the choices we make along the way that shape our shared journey. So I implore you dear couples, to keep the love alive without crossing into obsession by respecting each other’s boundaries, honouring the sanctity of your marriage vows, embracing transparency, and injecting good-natured humour into your everyday lives.
Remember, it’s all about finding that delicate balance between love and obsession. So, keep those heart-shaped eyes sparkling, cherish your partner’s quirks, and always hold hands — that way, you’ll never lose your way. Enjoy your weekend adventures in the land of love, and “don’t be looking for a devil under every bush” as my choir director (in my singing days years ago)used to say. A healthy dose of humour in looking at life, can be a powerful ingredient to lasting happiness!
This week I have some questions that I hope we can ask ourselves when we find ourselves doing strange things in the name of love. What are some of the ways to overcome the urge to check your partners phone and maintain trust in the relationship?
In a fun and playful manner, how can you respect your partner’s privacy while keeping an eye on the boundaries you have? What examples can we think of to illustrate the importance of honouring marriage vows and staying committed without being obsessed? How do you define the thin line between love and obsession tell the difference? I would love to hear from you on this.
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