tawandamusarurwa
Brian Matsaira
THERE are things that every man must look at before he decides to get married.
The problem we are having today is that men are being raised with the same teachings that are given to women.
Yes, men and women are equal, but they are different beings.
Since they are different beings, they ought to have a different gospel when it comes to their biology and their decision-making.
For those who argue that men and women are the same, why is it that they do not teach men about menstrual cycles?
The simple reason is men do not go through a menstrual cycle, so that is why such information is exclusively taught to women.
This shows us that men and women are different.
When it comes to getting married, Steve Harvey gave a distinction between men and women; he said women have a biological clock, while men have a financial clock.
Women race with time when it comes to getting married.
They naturally want to be married by a certain time, so most of the things they do are timed.
Some women do not want to get above 27 and still be single.
Others still do not want to even get above 24.
If you ask them why, they are looking at their biology.
Many are afraid of passing the age of 30 before they have children.
They do not want to reach menopause before they have children.
Men do not have this biological clock that women have.
Of course, I am not saying that men do not get old, but their time zone is different from that of women.
When it comes to men, we have financial biology.
Every man naturally does not want to get married before he is stable.
Every man thinks of how he is going to raise his family even though some ignore this natural thinking.
When a man is financially unstable, he will be in his worst state. He will be thinking about how he will be a good father.
This is because men are naturally created to think of how they can provide for their families.
When their financial clock ticks along men can end up taking huge risks just for them to become financially stable.
Every man must think about how he is going to provide for his family.
It is not good for a man to think about sex before he thinks about the ability to take care of a woman and the children they are going to have.
I see 20-year-old men who are already thinking about getting married, while they are still living with their parents and at the same time not having any skill to make money.
This thinking is not for men, and it must be discouraged immediately.
Men who think this way need counselling before it gets out of hand.
Every man must have financial goals, and if those goals are not fulfilled, he has no pressure to get married.
Every man must think of getting certain qualifications and certain skills first, before thinking about marriage.
Generally, men who married before they were financially stable did not make the right decisions.
This is perhaps why we are seeing so many divorces.
When a man gets married before he is stable, he will have endless fights with his wife.
This is almost guaranteed.
Frustrations will come, and verbal fights will come, and he will be lucky if that woman does not leave him.
I am not saying that every man must be a millionaire to get married. No. But every man must be in a position to provide for his family.
After a man can provide for his family, he must then get married.
It is not for men to say, “I am 28, I am now old I should get married”, when there are zero savings, zero sources of income, and zero plans of where the next meal is going to come from.
When a man thinks like this it is a sign that he was not raised the way men are supposed to be raised.
It makes sense for a woman to say, “I do not want to approach 30 before I get married.”
Some mothers teach their daughters not to go beyond a certain age, because the biological clock works against many women.
Many women will start to lose their attractiveness if they pass certain ages.
So, the idea is, they want things to happen at a certain time, they do not want to be overtaken by time and have to suffer certain consequences.
We need boys to understand what it means to be a father.
Many youths now think it is fashionable to have children when they are not thinking about raising those children.
They think being able to impregnate is what it means to be a man. Responsibility is what defines a man.
Being able to feed that child and sending that child to school is how a man is defined. We are now having men who are just bedding so many women for they think that is how a man is defined.
They impregnate without plans to raise their children. After they do that, they refuse to take responsibility.
This is not how men are supposed to be raised. There is nothing prestigious about sleeping with different women.
A prestigious man is the one who is chasing his financial goals, who has his hands somewhere working, who is bringing bread daily to his family.
Whether as a security guard or gardener. This is what defines a man.
The pressure on every man must be centred on how to feed a woman and children, what to do to make this happen, then doing that before getting married.
If this is not happening there must be no pressure to get married, it is time men return to being men.
It is time that we need to start raising men again. Men should not follow things like Indian series, watch some SABC series and follow Nigerian movies when one has no job or doesn’t know where to get the next meal.
Every man must focus on earnings. For normal men, thinking goes like “rent is due, where am I going to get my next contract? Who is hiring? I need school fees for my child, my wife needs a house, how can I buy one?”
This is how a man must think, not compete to watch Indian series with children.
This is weird and unacceptable.
We need to stop this from happening.
*Brian Matsaira is a love and relationships coach. He can be contacted on 0773383687
Or email: [email protected]
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