No Chiyangwa, you are no god!

Sir 18area.coms
THE Zimbabwe Football Association turned into the National Football Association of Zimbabwe in a flash and in line with that trend, Yours Truly will now be known as Sir.

Why Sir?

Well because I am the “baddest”, the most lethal and non-bootlicking newspaper columnist in the country. I deserve the highest honour possible.

However, I will dare not call myself God as Phillip Chiyangwa did last week.

As everyone was asking what Chiyangwa was up to as Zifa gave way to NFAZ amid claims that the new soccer governing body did not owe anyone anything, not even a bond coin, PC came up with one hell of a response.

“Fifa listens to me, I am the God of Football in Zimbabwe here. What I say goes, they listen to me,” Chiyangwa told Star FM.

Assuming Chiyangwa is indeed the God of Zimbabwean football, what position does Wicknel Chivayo hold in this heavenly set up? The son of god? His messenger? A cherubim or seraphim?

Spare us such nonsense!

The self-proclaimed God of Zimbabwean Football has always been full of it. Never mind the dressing that made PC look like the ambassador of a biscuit company at that memorable Warriors victory over Malawi at the National Sports Stadium.

Yours Truly is thankful after finally getting sight of the beauty that is Luminista Mushekwi, the woman who caused pandemonium when the Warriors visited Swaziland for an Afcon qualifier.

I dare say Nyasha Mushekwi’s ex-wife was the most beautiful woman at the National Sports Stadium as the Warriors sealed their place at Gabon 2017.

She was elegant and that tinted hair made Luminista the centre of attraction in the VIP enclosure where I was seated, sipping some Blue Label.

As I was busy exploring the body that Mushekwi deemed excess garbage someone came to me and asked: “Mudhara musikana uyu munhu wani?” (Who is dating this woman?)

Naturally, that question triggered chaos in my always malicious mind and I tried my best to match Luminista to some of the big boys in our football.

It proved to be a futile exercise!

But why do people always insinuate that a woman has to sleep her way into influential positions?

However, it will be interesting to find out the role Luminista will get in NFAZ as well as the reason why Mushekwi did not report for camp ahead of the clash with the Flames.

The official line is that the striker was involved in play-offs but I am not buying it.

Gwesela is a shame

The thousands of people who thronged the NSS on June 5, 2016 went home unsure whether the Warriors had qualified for Afcon or not thanks to one Xolisani Gwesela.

The NFAZ communications officer had a microphone in hand and a decent public address system at his disposal soon after the final whistle but chose not to inform the fans that our boys had made it to Gabon 2017.

Instead of doing his job of communicating, Gwesela could be seen busy pushing his tummy, wandering aimlessly on the NSS turf like an unfunny clown.

With a communications manager like Gwesela NFAZ is doomed – even if Chiyangwa turns out to be a God.

Sir exits the scene!