adminDr Mazvita Machinga Mental Health
EVERYONE gets angry on occasion and so many have problems in managing their anger. I promised that I will sensitize you on positive ways to manage anger. There is no one size fit, each person does it differently but there are important issues that everyone has to consider. You and me know what anger is, and we’ve all felt it, whether as a passing frustration or as full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion like all other emotions such as sadness or joy.
But when anger gets out of control and turns destructive, it leads to problem. On the other hand anger as a healthy response to threat may be used for a constructive purpose. I told you that as children and young adults grow, they learn ways of expressing anger from significant others such as parents, siblings, teachers and others. Thus, since expression of anger is a learned behaviour, it can be unlearned. Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger states that unmanaged anger makes you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.
Anger as an emotion, is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your other energy hormones, such as adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
So what must I do to manage anger? The goal of anger management is to lessen both your emotional feelings and the physiological sensations that anger causes. It is important to know that while it is hard to get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that anger you, nor can you change them, you can learn how to control your reactions by changing the way you see things and managing how anger affects you. The key in healthy expression of anger is that you control the anger before it controls you. So how can I control anger, here are some expert hints:
1. First of all realise and name what is angering you. Are you angry because of external, internal events or from both? Is it a specific person, such as a friend, or boss who is angering you, is it an event/situation e.g. a traffic jam, an unfaithful relationship or a disordered meeting or is it internally; worrying or feeling angry for yourself about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic experiences such as sexual abuse, domestic violence and insults can trigger anger within. So, know what’s angering you. If any battle has to be overcome, knowing what you are combating helps strategise.
2. Tune in to anger signs. Become aware of the actions and feelings associated with your frustration. Where do you feel the anger; is it in your stomach? In your hands? Throw things? Do you walk around the room? Grumble, swear, or grit your teeth? Find your anger; let it be, then let it go. As you identify and experience each physiological response, make a mindful effort to do something different, and not that.
4. Take a break as soon as you recognize that you are angry. Step outside for a moment. “Research has shown that the neurological anger response lasts less than two seconds. Beyond that, it takes a commitment to stay angry. Remember that you do not have to respond to a situation immediately. You can count to 10 or even say “I will think about it and get back to you” to give yourself additional time to cool down as necessary and your thinking brain to take over.
5. Give yourself permission to get angry. Tell yourself that anger is your psyche’s way of facing something that is not just and life threatening. Assertiveness is fine; aggression (passive or otherwise) is not. Do not suppress your anger. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed expression, your anger can turn inward on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, depression or suicidal ideation. Unexpressed anger can create other problems.
6. Breathe deeply. (kutura befu) If you are filled with anger, slow it down by controlling your breathing. Keep breathing until you feel that you have regained control.
7. Practice positive self-talk and move toward positive problem solving. Watch what you say when you’re angry. Changing the way that you think about something from negative to positive (known as “cognitive restructuring”) can help you deal with your anger in a healthy way. A psychotherapist can help you cognitive restructuring.
8. Ask for the support of someone you trust. Sometimes sharing your concerns with a close friend or confidant might help you vent your anger. Clearly express what you want from the other person.
9. Try to see some humour in what angered you. After you have calmed down and established that you’re ready to get over the incident, try to see the lighter side, FORGIVE and move on constructively, MOVE ON.
10. Engage in physical activity or stay occupied meaningfully. The endorphins that come from exercise can help you calm down, and moving your body provides a physical outlet for your rage:
11. Get enough sleep at night.
12. Find a local anger management programme. Anger management programs can help you learn to deal with anger and control your emotions healthily or learn to help others with anger management issues.
14. Use your spiritual resources and listen to soothing songs that bring peace to your mind. I hope this article has helped someone out there.
Reference: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/controlling-anger.aspx
For more help and information contact Dr Mazvita Machinga Ph.D. a trained and qualified Psychotherapist in Mutare who offers psychotherapy and professional counseling [email protected], or call 0771 754 519.
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