No such thing as better off alone

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

THERE are people who believe they are better off alone because every time they get into a relationship, it’s the same song of heartbreak after heartbreak. They seem better off alone because their relationships never last. However, there is no such thing as better off alone, but all that is needed is someone to be at the right place at the right time.

I subscribe to the school of thought that there is no such thing as better off alone. Such remarks come from a broken heart. Humans were never wired that way. The fact that one has the desire to be in a relationship shows that everyone needs company. Most people when disappointed once or twice, begin to have trust problems and this spoils everything for them. At the end, they appear as if they are better off alone, which is not the case.

On the other hand, people who are trying to convince themselves that they are better off alone, are just bitter about life in general. It is sad that they always have issues haunting them, taking away their happiness. The biggest challenge is that they cannot trust anyone!

If you cannot trust anyone, then heartbreaks will be your friends! Some can try to avoid serious relationships, but still fail. If you find yourself in a bad space, and you are unable to let go of your painful past from your mind and system, you will keep going around hurting people and yourself.

The possibility that your past has remained like a gum in your hair and it’s painful to pull it off, means chances are high that you will spread the pain and cause damage even to people with good intentions. So there is the need to fix yourself first because you cannot give what you do not have.

Remember no love is the same. Gget over the past and deal with trust issues. Try not to accuse your partner of things he/she will never do. At times, deep in your heart you will be knowing that he will never do them, but it does not matter. Unfortunately that doesn’t silence the paranoia at the back of your brain and when you make unfair accusations, he will get offended, because you do not have trust in him.

With such behaviour you will push your partner away and will be alone within a short period of time. It is the time you start believing you are better off alone while in actual fact you just failing to put your house in order.

You also find that your relationships are short-lived as you read too much into little things. As much as it is good to check on what your partner is up to, never over do it. If you do, you just get stressed and begin to suspect that she/he is cheating on you as there will be no other explanations. Remember, before you met, he had friends and relatives and when he fell in love with you, he never killed them!

Some of the issues which will make you believe you better off alone than having a partner is that, when you are happy you convince yourself that something is wrong. Your relationship can be next to perfect, but because you have that thought that the universe will never let you be happy for long, you look for “issues” and this is when things fall apart.

No matter how your partner can love, if you believe you are better off single, you begin to imagine worst case of scenarios. You picture your partner flirting with somebody else, kissing somebody else, sleeping with somebody else. In reality, you know he is not doing any of those things, but the idea alone makes you want to scream. This is all because of issues within you!

At times you can even feel like you have no one to talk to, even though your partner is right there. Right there, you will feel like no one else understands the emotions plaguing you because of the “better off alone” mindset. After all has been said and done you will definitely find yourself alone and it is when you convince yourself that you are better off single. You will feel it is easier and there is less stress while in fact you invite it all on yourself.

I just believe it is not a matter of some people not being meant to be in relationships, but their choices and behaviour as well. Just make sure you are not in a WRONG relationship. Our lives are the choices that we ultimately make. To be and not to be in a relationship is no different. It all depends on the choices that you make.

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