Of dead beat dads and cheapstakes

Why do people throw parties if they are too mean to feed their guests? The only reason why we would go to a party of any sort be it a birthday, wedding or funeral is to eat and drink, unless the host or hostess is offering other services like pimping or something like that. Being seen and seeing is a bonus.Who am I?

This is getting to be an old story and you will get no prize for identifying me right away.

The law must stop being an ass. I will make my case clear. A man and a woman tumble into a sticky fluid called love. They may or may not get married, depending on their moral compass.

They may or may not have offspring together, depending on a whole variety of issues including their biological compatibility and the state of their relationship with their ancestral spirits or whatever deity they propitiate.

So far so good. Until one day one or both parties clamber out of the well of love and dive into a different pond with another partner.

At that point for some of us the offspring from the first relationship become an odious debt.

We feel that the sins of their parents must be visited on these children. This is why you see me continue to be a regular at the courts as I fail to understand why I must be forced to look after offspring that I had with a woman that I no longer love. I have moved on, begun a new chapter and I should be allowed to put all my energies into that relationship and the offspring from it.

So I would rather spend money on lawyers hoping to convince the courts that it is not in my best interest to look after said offspring.

The law must stop being an ass and rule that such children have no claim on the non-custodial parent, especially once they turn 18.

In fact let us make it 16 the age of consent. Once you are free to have sex, you should be free to look after yourself. I rest my case and await a positive response from the judiciary.

Cheapskates all around

On the other hand, surely the birthday boy should realise that the all-white theme is getting really old, just like him. But maybe now he needs it more than ever seeing as wearing white is supposed to make you look younger.

And while we are at it, please do tell the birthday boy to tell his friends that wearing what they think are expensive clothes does not make them not cheap. Cheapness comes from character not accoutrements, please. In fact deigning to reply haters by shouting out the price tags for your ensemble really does scream out that you are the cheapest piece of baggage in town.

With a little class one would simply let people keep their stupid opinions and carry on with their life. After all what else do the loud mouthed losers have to do with their pointless little lives except appoint themselves judge and jury when no crime has been committed?

Dzokororo ine simba

We had the fortune of bumping into one good fellow soon after we had just turned our bleary eyes in his direction last week.

Understandably the fellow was rather put out seeing as it is never a good thing to be the focus of our eyes, bleary or clear.

But must say we have decided to add him to the class of prince among men, as he did not threaten to strangle Bra Gee or the other usual empty threats that never disturb our thirst.

Instead took the opportunity to educate Bra Gee and the Regulars. He tells us that he was very right to charge the delinquent ministers with being cantankerous.

For apparently besides being absent from parliament, the same ministers when they do bother to show up are also difficult to deal with as well stubbornly obstructive and unwilling to cooperate with the portfolio committees.

We shared an erudite conversation on the etymology of words. And we discovered that we share more than a love of the queen’s mother tongue. We all have a burning common wish to see certain ministers to put aside their posh mansion-sized egos so they can serve us, their masters.

We have written an open letter to the ministers before and we will not go into that right now. Thank goodness the Speaker is on our side and is now threatening to fire some MPs who think they are clever as they just turn up to sign themselves in for allowances then immediately exit the building before the business of the day has even been started.

Our only regret is that we have heard that the Honourable one is not an imbiber. But all the same should he ever wander into the usual place, we will be happy to drink to his health, on his tab of course.

On your bike, mike!

Did we not hear something about the mayor doing the right thing and turning down the offer to ride around in an ostentatious fuel guzzler some time ago? Now the spin has turned and the story is that someone is refusing to buy the mayor a car.

This makes perfect sense to us. The mayor committed a major crime by trying to make out that he is not one of the boys who love their toys. What was he trying to say about everyone else driving huge air conditioned Big Foots?

So they have decided that if he does not want fancy wheels then he might as well go without the cheaper and more practical version as well.

For if they buy him something that does not do anything for the ego soon enough the povo will be screaming that every public official must squash their bulk into similar piles of junk. And why would the lucky fellows want that? So they will keep the mayor car less until he decides to be join the club. Pure logic, we can see.

So Mr Mayor, why don’t you take your big gesture one step further and join your peer from the small town in riding to work on a bike?

Just think of all the forex you would save the country in reduced fuel imports.

Last call: Car beats Kid

This one is for all dead beats who need a court to order to look after their children, those fruits of their loins and past pleasures.

Divorced men are more likely to meet their car payments than their child maintenance obligations. —.searchquotes.com

Till next week, bottoms up!

Email: [email protected], Twitter: @brageesbar, Facebook: Bra Gee