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BAR TALK With Bra Gee
Who am I?
Whoever said you cannot have your cake and eat it too must have been crazy. I am on top of the world.
You know me for gathering beautiful voices to help us uplift praise and worship unto the Lord. What you may not know is that as I gather the voices, I also make sure that I carefully judge the temples that house the voice boxes for my own personal pleasure.
So those who can hit the right note musically and look good physically become the stars of the show, while those who can only sing but look like bag ladies remain back benchers. For I am a reputed satyr who allegedly is not averse to occasionally walk on both sides of the street.
But I tell you, that is all not true. It is the work of detractors who turn green as my star rises higher and higher. Now look at how I am singled for greatness while the rest remain as two bit gospel musicians. Keep on hating haters and see if I care. Meanwhile I will sing to the Lord and allow His angels on earth to sing me sweet private lullabies in my ear.
Hardwood
This week ,we take our hat off to one Cuthbert Dube. For tenacity, stubbornness and sheer refusal to read the writing on the wall, the man has no contender. Anyone else in his shoes would have long felt the heat and vacated the kitchen, but not this baron.
We are also off to Nigeria to visit that famous temple for some of the fortification that he obviously got which seems good enough to take Dube through anything short of a bulldozer. But then again the temple has fallen so maybe that is not such a good idea.
But to return to the matter at hand, we have been entertained by the reaction of Sepp Blatter and cohorts to the exploding brown stuff from the FIFA scandal. Does it have a — gate appellation yet?
First of all we were told that the Americans were up to their usual conspiracy tricks and were simply trying to prop up the crown ambitions of their Saudi Arabian pal as Blatter and his pals were as clean as purified rain water.
Then Blatter did an about turn and suddenly gave up the new FIFA presidency term that he had fought so bitterly for. Now he is reduced to having his daughter cry that Daddy did not do it. Of course our daughters would always deny that we are murderers even if we were caught with the smoking gun in our hands.
Then we have the South Africans allegedly going beyond refuting allegations of bribing FIFA officials to bring the tournament to their country and saying that they never hosted the World Cup at all.
Fortunately for them so far Mr 10 percent former FIFA executive Chuck Blazer has not named names: “I and others on the FIFA executive committee agreed to accept bribes in conjunction with the selection of South Africa as the host nation for the 2010 World Cup.
“Among other things, my actions described above had common participants and results.”
But to get back to dear Cuthbert. First of all, he has the $3,8 million to account for. Then he should also know that with the FIFA house of cards blown into the water there will be no reprieve for him now as D-Day draws nigh.
Surely, surely anyone else would just bow out and hope that the usual culture where real thieves go free while those who take peanuts are jailed will hold true for him.
In his shoes we would be calling in all the favours that we bought with our ill-gotten fat wallets to ensure that no prosecution ever ensues instead of fighting to hold onto a position that is as good as gone. For the people of the nation may let Cuthbert walk away in shame with no punitive measures against him and be satisfied with steps taken to make sure that there will never be another ZIFA leech. But he obviously dreams that we will continue to watch him while he clings on to power and we must warn him that even if we have to beg, borrow or steal to acquire a bulldozer, it will get to Livingstone Avenue before this here month of June is over.
Hold your peace
We have listened with amusement to the various accusations concerning an important process that ended several decades ago. Yes, we at the bar are wondering why people are now telling us about the dubious and/or non-existent liberation war credentials of their erstwhile comrades today.
Why did they hold their peace all these years while those same erstwhile comrades claimed to have fought the whole war single handed with one arm tied behind their backs while munching on a chicken leg and enjoying the oral attentions of a pliant chimbwido?
In the same vein what does our own dear local 10 percent baron hope to achieve by telling us that a house she occupied happily for so long and only exited when it was clear that she had no choice is a stinky hovel and she apologises for having been an occupant? Are we supposed to believe that all this time she was blind to the filth and that she herself remained clean while all about her the rest of her comrades rolled in the mud?
Our drunken advice to all comrades is to follow the advice of the marriage officer and forever hold their peace as they let the right moments for objections pass 35 years ago. We are content to let sleeping dogs lie and have our leaders tackle the growling ones like unemployment and the invasion of the vendors.
Last call: How not to drink
This week we share with you this sad story of a miscreant who gives all of us drinkers a bad name:
Mpumelelo Khumalo was banned from every pub and club in High Wycombe.
A problem drinker who “badgered people to the point of annoying them” by continually asking for cigarettes and alcohol has been banned from every pub and club in High Wycombe.
Mpumelelo Khumalo was slapped with a Criminal Behaviour Order lasting three years by Wycombe magistrates who heard he harassed pub goers and people in the street for cigarettes and alcoholic drinks.
The 32-year-old, of Beech Close, Flackwell Heath, has also been barred from drinking alcohol in any public place in Wycombe, being visibly under the influence of alcohol, or being in possession of unsealed containers of alcohol in a public place.
The terms of the order also ban Khumalo from entering Asda in Holmers Farm Way and compel him to attend an alcohol treatment programme.
Khumalo was warned he faces jail if he does not comply with the order. He was handed the order after an application was made by the Thames Valley Police High Wycombe Anti-Social Behaviour Team.
PC Chris Allman from the team said: “Khumalo has been barred from all High Wycombe town centre public houses over the last two years when he was the subject of a two-year Drink Banning Order, which expired in February. Prior to that ending, the CBO was applied for as Khumalo had repeatedly ignored the DBO prohibitions.
“He habitually targets individuals that are in seating or smoking areas of pubs where he will either ask for cigarettes or drinks.
‘‘He will also approach people that are in the street with the aim of getting them to buy him drinks. He can be very persistent and badgers people to the point of annoying them.”— bucksfreepress.co.uk
Till next week, bottoms up!
Facebook: Bra Gee, Twitter: @brageesbar, Email: [email protected]
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