Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, both my parents are retired, but they remain very active. They live on their plot outside Harare.
I have three brothers and one sister, who is the youngest. We are all married and reside in the same city. I feel that our parents, especially our mother, are somewhat segregative.
Whenever they visit, they always stay at our sister’s place and we take turns going there to see them.
They also insist on seeing their grandchildren, which sometimes becomes inconvenient for some of us.
This time, I chose not to visit them, nor did I send my children. I wonder why they only prefer to stay at our sister’s home. They did not have kind words for me and I am troubled by this. What can we do to make things right?
Response
Hello and thanks for writing to me. Your letter did not give me any vital information required for me to give you a well-rounded response. I needed some context. Who invites your parents to visit the city? Have you ever considered going to fetch them so that they can spend time with you and the kids in the comfort of your place?
I believe parents should treat all children equally. Visit them and apologise for your actions.
Invite them to visit you next time they think of coming to the city. Some problems require action to be effectively resolved. The tantrum you threw was a wrong way of going about it. I wish you all the best.
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Hubby is having an affair
Dear Amai, I hope this message finds you well. I am a 35-year-old woman married to a man aged 37 and we are blessed with two children.
We are both gainfully employed.
Lately, my husband has been behaving strangely. It is unlike him to comment on things such as hairstyles, manicures and fashion.
He has even gone further by suggesting that I should try some of them. I purposely asked him to buy me perfume and I was shocked when he bought me a designer brand.
When I asked how he knew about such a top label, he replied that it is what his personal assistant (PA) wears. I feel unsettled because my intuition tells me something is off.
A few weeks ago, I saw a photo on his phone — a compromising picture of him and his PA in his office.
They were standing uncomfortably close to each other and this has since caused many problems.
I took a screenshot and my intention is to send it to her husband. I want to alert him as well, in case there is something going on. Will I be wrong if I do this?
Response
I am very well, thank you for asking. You are both under 40, which is a phase when you should be madly in love, enjoying your marriage and children while you still have the energy.
It is a criminal offence to go through your husband’s phone and to share photos of the woman who works with him without her consent.
Moreover, it is unfair to accuse her of being in a relationship with your husband when you have no proof.
His new interest in women’s style and fashion is indeed a cause for concern and you may need the guidance of a professional counsellor.
Both your husband and his PA are married and in all fairness, they are duty bound to respect their spouses.
You both need to learn to communicate better. Try to let go of the accusatory tone until you have concrete evidence. I wish you all the best.
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Distressed by
hurtful nickname
I am a 65-year-old woman. I lost my husband four years ago. I have two daughters who live abroad with their families.
I live in a small city and attend a mainline church. I asked my neighbour’s son to help me write to you.
I am a kind woman, so I naturally attend most church funerals and weddings when I can. Last week, a woman in my neighbourhood told me that I have been nicknamed “The Undertaker” at church because I often accompany people to their rural homes for burials. I am very upset. What should I do?
Response
Thank you very much for reaching out. Special thanks to the one who helped you articulate your issue. Before addressing the contents of your letter, let me first say I appreciate you for being such a devoted parishioner who helps others in times of need.
Sharing your time and presence is truly commendable. You described yourself as a kind woman. Please continue to embrace that kindness. The nickname you mentioned is unkind, but I encourage you not to lose sleep over it.
Continue to do good because it comes from your heart. I suggest you inform the head of the church about what you have uncovered and ask them to handle the matter discreetly, so it does not disturb your willingness to fellowship and support other congregants.
Do not let negative forces dampen your spirit or hinder you from doing the Lord’s work. Take this as a trial to be overcome. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
