Sundaymail Editor
BARELY had we finished skinning a fat goat to prepare for a night of merriment with the boys that an acquaintance handed me his phone to talk to my wife, whose calls I had been ignoring all day long.
“Ingosasa naye mulady wako pamwe pane yashupa paden (Just talk to your wife perhaps there is a problem at home),” the bloke said while handing over his phone, which looked so old one would think its components were being held together by rust.
I did not know what to do. I eventually answered, albeit with great difficulty. I dreaded abandoning the event as I had made a handsome contribution to the bill and had not taken even a swig of the whisky we had bought.
Apparently the gentleman who had conspired to spoil my day by taking my wife’s call was dead broke and simply wanted to sponge off us.
Welcome to the world of poopers, commonly known as “vatengesi”, “magandanzara” or simply “party spoilers”.
Such people seem to derive pleasure from offending others.
“Ndakakutadzireiko iyeni, chaita iwe undidaro nhasi,” I found myself singing this line from sungura icon Alick Macheso’s song “Ndakakutadzirei” off the album “Dzinosvitsa Kure”.
Somehow, party spoilers are always at hand to turn things upside down at the slightest opportunity.
Such people are everywhere. In the ghetto, it is not unusual to find someone in trouble for putting wrong information into the wrong ears. It is common to find such characters being sidelined.
“If he is going to be part of the programme, just count me out,” you hear people saying openly. This could be the reason why some people request guest lists before confirming their attendance. But what is it that party spoilers do that makes them hated?
Well, sometimes they pitch up with people you are indebted to just to spite you.
These are the kind of people who will even ask you why you are taking long to service a small debt in the creditor’s presence.
“Party spoilers are not dull people. They are very calculative and they know full well that their antics are destructive. These are people who will bring along a girlfriend who is related to your wife knowing fully well that you will be flirting with ‘loose biscuits’ or women of easy virtue. These people are dangerous,” Conrad Murumbi of Glen Norah told this writer.
“They can even invite your father-in-law to a braai party where you will be just to make sure you enjoy less.”
It can be worse if you leave a woman you intend to marry in the company of a motor mouth aunt. Upon your return, be sure to hear her sharing with you tales of your dark past.
“Anyone under the sun can be a spoiler. Your brother, sister, or friend can do you irreparable damage by sharing whatever information about you with strangers who will be out to dig information about you.
“Things usually go out of hand when beer is involved because it makes some people less economic with the truth,” said Perfect Madende of Kambuzuma.
She said churches were also awash with poopers who made it their business to funnel information about a parishioner’s drinking habits to the pastor.
“At church, the situation can be bad because they can inform the leadership about every pagan ritual they found being performed at your home.
“Some party spoilers appear to be gentle characters yet they spit venom. The same can happen even at the workplace where some people say bad things about others in jest,” I heard some people saying in a kombi recently.
Gentle reader, it is critical to measure the import of our words on others before speaking.
Inotambika mughetto.
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