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OUR previous issue on polygamy sparked a lot of debate, but many of those that responded were women.
We took a bird’s eye view of polygamy and noticed that it is an issue not only acceptable in some religions but cuts across cultures and has always been part of society.
This week, we attempt to answer these questions: Is polygamy permissible or should it be banished? Does polygamy bring satisfaction and peace, or does it create more problems? Is polygamy practiced out of love or is it just lust?
We had responses on our social media pages and most ladies chose the inbox to express their distaste for the practice. A number of them had tangible real life experiences, either lived or observed.
But it was a comment from the only man who came forth that captured this writer’s attention. It read: “Truth be told, polygamy will always be a part of us. It will always be part of society not because it is good, not because it is agreeable but because nature has its way of distributing perception in diversity.
“Polygamy will always be part of society because we have those that see things from a mirage perspective and engage in it in search of an unattainable satisfaction. Do not judge them if you have not studied how they were raised and what their culture or religion has taught them.”
The question of whether polygamy should be banished or not is one that will always be a cause for strife. In the United States of America, for example, they forbid polygamy in all the 50 states but law enforcement does not spend time and resources following up on such cases though they might be more interested in the associated crimes of incest, rape and abuse.
In most instances, polygamy is not there, at least on the surface. This is because nowadays it is being done secretively. The other reason is that not many of our people have registered marriages which are bound by the law.
So on the question of whether the law should permit it or not, even if it is to be answered, it cannot do much to change the status quo with regards to the act.
The other part of the question asks whether polygamy brings satisfaction, peace or more problems.
According to an assessment done on an Arab group of children by a psychosocial journal, the authors wanted to assess the participants’ level of self-esteem, mental health, social functioning, father-child relationships, mother-child relationships and family functioning.
The findings revealed that children from polygynous families reported more mental health and social difficulties as well as poorer school achievement and poorer relationships with their fathers than did their counterparts from monogamous families.
In addition, the functioning and economic status of the children from the polygynous families was poorer than that of those from monogamous families. Thus, the authors suggest that a polygynous family structure negatively affects the family’s socioeconomic status and interpersonal relationships and impairs the children’s psychological and social functioning.
It is, therefore, clear that polygamy might bring temporary pleasure to the man but its implications to his family are detrimental.
Polygamy creates more problems than the satisfaction sought from it.
The question of whether polygamy is out of love or lust is answered in the book of 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 2 which says: “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
That last part of the scripture lays it bare that when a married couple mishandles their union, then one of them will be exposed to the temptation of getting an extra-marital relation because people lack self-control.
The Bible says, “Come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” This means naturally people lack self-control, which causes them to lust for whoever appeals to their eye despite being in a union already.
So according to the Holy Scripture, all extra marital affairs are caused by lack of self-control, which is lust.
Therefore, there can never be lust and love at the same time. When one chooses to take another in the presence of the other, we can never be sure which one is loved. In most cases, the women are all victims of a lustful man and they should not expect love from him.
The same goes for those informal polygamous relations or small houses. You may never be sure if you are loved or if you are going to be the last woman in that man’s life when he had the guts to take you to bed, yet he has another wife elsewhere.
Research also revealed that women in polygamous marriages experience lower self-esteem, less life satisfaction, less marital satisfaction and more mental health symptomatology than women in monogamous marriages.
Many of the mental health symptoms were different. Noteworthy were elevated somatisation, depression, hostility and psychoticism, and generally their extremity index is higher.
There are, therefore, more problems to polygamy and extra-marital relationships than advantages. This habit is mainly perpetuated by men and bar-talk esteem – the amassing of women is said to be the true mark of masculinity.
Yet the true mark of masculinity is, in fact, the ability to control oneself to remain faithful to one’s wife, providing enough for the family and establishing solid financial and emotional security for one’s children.
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