Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
Last week, in celebrating Mother’s Day, I shared some tips for my sisters on how to identify a real man, what his life looks like — his character, his love, and how he shows devotion without leaving a woman guessing.
I promised that this week we would discuss the equally important subject of submission — a concept often misunderstood, yet central to building happy, balanced homes. This week we explore it further so that we find some answers together.
My research on submission, has brought forth incredible insights, yet few things seem to stand out for me on what submission entails in a healthy marriage (not referring to the abusive, toxic environments): — wisdom, confidence and unconditional love. Panoda wisdom.
Think about it: Submission in marriage is not about silence or servitude. It is about order, respect and empowerment. In Ephesians 5:22, the Bible says: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”
As often mentioned in this column, this verse has been misused by some to justify control — it is a shame when someone deliberately manipulates others using scripture. In truth, submission calls for wisdom and alignment with God’s design. Just as husbands are commanded to love sacrificially, wives are called to submit willingly — together creating harmony.
In her book, “Fascinating Womanhood”, Helen Andelin teaches that a wife’s voluntary submission is less about obedience to every detail and more about a respectful attitude that honours her husband’s role as head of the home.
She writes, “Submission is not a sign of weakness. It is a voluntary yielding of the will to the leadership of the husband, done out of love and respect.” Andelin argues that when a wife trusts her husband’s leadership, speaks to him with honour, and supports his decisions publicly, it meets a man’s deep need for respect and creates harmony in marriage.
She explains, “When a woman treats her husband with admiration and deference, she awakens in him the desire to be worthy of that respect. He responds with love and protection.” Andelin pairs this with the husband’s responsibility to love, protect, and lead sacrificially, drawing on Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3 as her biblical foundation.
At the same time, many pastors and counsellors today emphasise that Ephesians 5 also calls for mutual submission in verse 21 — “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
The healthiest marriages, they argue, function as a partnership where both spouses practice humility, listen to each other, and make decisions together, ensuring that leadership never becomes domination and submission never becomes unhealthy silence.
What submission is:
Empowerment: It allows each partner to serve their God-given role.
Respect: It honours the husband’s leadership while affirming the wife’s voice as a “help meet” for him
Balance: It complements love, not replaces it.
What submission is not:
Slavery: It does not erase individuality.
Manipulation: It is not a tool for control.
Blind obedience: It requires wisdom and discernment.
Practical tips for balanced homes
1. Mutual respect: Submission is easier when both partners honour each other’s opinions. Support his leadership, share your opinions respectfully, and trust him, especially in difficult decisions.
2. Shared decision-making: Husbands lead, but wise leaders consult.
3. Sacrificial love: Husbands must love as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).
4. Communication: Silence breeds resentment; openness builds trust.
5. Prayer together: Seeking God’s face unites hearts and clarifies roles.
6. Balance of roles: Submission is not about one partner doing everything — it is about complementing each other’s strengths.
Submission in practice
A wife respects her husband’s leadership, but the husband leads with humility and love.
A husband does not demand submission; he earns it through consistency and care.
Both partners adjust attitudes and hearts, seeking God’s guidance in areas they still need to get right. Patience with each other is a necessity as some of these adjustments do not happen overnight.
However, when this balance is achieved, homes become testimonies of joy and stability. No doubt couples will testify when each serves their true role in alignment with God’s original intent.
So, what shall we say? Submission, rightly understood, is empowering, not oppressive. It is about balance, mutual service, and alignment with God’s design. Husbands love sacrificially, wives submit willingly, and together they build homes of peace.
Please share your comments and views on this topic. Your insights might just be what someone needs in their situation. And don’t miss upcoming episodes of Love Unscripted, the podcast inspired by this column, where we continue exploring the real deal about love and God’s design for marriage.
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