Chronicle Editor
Yvonne Ncube, Showbiz Correspondent
One of the most ritualised events in modern life is the marriage proposal. Others like to perform them in private while some prefer to do them in public.
In contrast to other girls who could feel pushed or humiliated when numerous people are watching, some girls get excited by doing it in public in front of everyone and may regard that as a gesture of affection.
It ought to be enchanted.
As portrayed in movies, many people have absorbed proposing to their partners in front of a crowd. One of the key benefits of a public proposal is the ability to include others. If you and your sweetheart value family and friends, asking the question in front of everyone might be a terrific opportunity to share this precious moment with everyone you care about.
A public proposal is also a great option for couples who enjoy huge displays of affection complete with a theatrical flair.
If you want to show your partner how much you appreciate him or her and you are sure they do not mind a little attention, a good old-fashioned flash mob might do the trick. For a person who likes surprises and is not easily embarrassed, this can be a beautiful gesture of love. For those who do not fall into either of those camps, they are to be avoided.
Hopefully, the person proposing knows their partner well enough to know whether this is something they would want or not.
Of course, a public proposal is not without its drawbacks. To begin with, controlling your environment in a public area is difficult. If you are going to make a public proposition, you must be willing to roll with the punches.
There’s always the unspoken fear: what if they say no?
A public proposal puts both the asker and the asked under a lot of strain because a negative response could imply awkwardness and humiliation in front of a large crowd. Your partner may feel forced to say yes at the moment, only to call it quits once you two are alone.
On the other side of the proposal spectrum lies the private proposal. Once again, this proposal takes on many forms, from a romantic picnic at a secluded affair to a casual question at the dining room table. The key is that you keep the proposal private, with only you and your partner.
A private proposal immediately becomes this romantic moment that no one else shares, something you both will remember fondly for the rest of your lives. It’s exceptionally intimate.
The private proposal also gives you a little more creative control over the situation. A private proposal gives you a carte blanche to create the perfect moment for the two of you.
Saturday Leisure took to the streets to establish which sort of proposal people prefer.
One Gail Ncube said public proposals are a sign of love and affection.
“In my view, public marriage proposals are good. In a way, they prove that your partner is not ashamed of you and wants your relationship to be known. Hence, it’s a way of proving love to the other partner and doing that in public also makes other people who’ll be witnessing the event also envy you.
“I’ve realised that women like being shown love publicly and that makes them appreciate you more. This is because it also shows that the partner has no one to hide it from and hence puts it out there so that everyone knows. That’s why I encourage public engagements so that the love is kept burning,” said Ncube.
Irene Tshuma said public proposals are risky.
“I prefer proposals done low key or in a private manner. I feel so because showing yourselves and everything you are supposed to do in private to the world always seems dangerous. You attract jealousy as ‘haters’ will get unnecessarily envious of your actions. I just advise keeping things like proposals private.
“I’m a very private person by nature, a bit shy as well. I’ve never liked events, weddings, or being in the spotlight. Public wedding proposals are good for people who can handle them,” Tshuma said.
She added: “I think a wedding proposal in a restaurant is fine.
As long as the ‘asker’ knows that the answer will certainly be yes. I can’t think of too many other things that are sadder than the public humiliation of a public wedding proposal being turned down.
“Besides the rejection of the love of a lifetime, now the person must endure all the pity of the witnesses,” Tshuma said.
Another, Elina Mlathi concurred saying a public proposal should occur when the man is certain that the partner will say yes.
“Mine was a public proposal, but my partner did it the right way and discussed marriage with me first. If you do a public proposal without sounding out your partner first, you might get disappointed when they turn down your proposal.
“Some people may feel like you’re essentially selecting to try blackmailing them into saying yes. The public proposal uses the risk of public approbation to force them to say yes at that time whether they mean it or not.
“Of course, you could get the rare person who is confident enough to say no regardless of the pressure being put on them by the spectators and then you are going to look rather foolish, especially if you’ve gone to huge effort and/or expense to ensure there’s a really big crowd. Personally, I think public proposals are gauche and manipulative. Marriage is serious business, not show business,” said Mlathi.
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