Andrew
LADIES were forced to beat a hasty retreat into their homes when an elderly member of our community who was responding to a burglary alert dashed out of his house armed with a knobkerrie, but in his birthday suit.
At first, I thought it was a strange midsummer night’s dream until I pinched myself and realised it was a real-life drama unfolding in full public glare.
Simbirori’s intentions were obviously good, but his stunt was an unwanted distraction.
There he was, a whole father figure, well-known for that matter, stark naked in the middle of the road.
Imagine the embarrassment?
Young men and women had literally poured out of their homes to deal with the intruder(s), only for them to be met by this unholy sight.
As I write this, gentle reader, Simbirori has become the butt of jokes in the neighbourhood.
His grandchildren and children now live in shame.
They are now referred to as “descendants of the naked old man” or being likened to the biblical drunk Noah who shamed his family by walking naked.
Most people, however, sleep in the nude.
Very few people have the decency to cover themselves up when retiring to bed.
Gowns and pyjamas are viewed as articles for the rich.
It is even worse when temperatures are extremely high.
Called “nakedness”, “nudity”, “kusasimira”, “mutwi”, “shamhu” or “nzimbe”, it is practiced by many people.
This partly explains why at times when you knock on someone’s bedroom door, you are made to wait for long as they dress up.
With the extreme temperatures we are currently experiencing, only God knows how people are sleeping.
Yours truly sought to find out why most people are used to sleeping naked and the responses he got ranged from being realistic to outlandish.
“My brother, I was born naked and am used to staying like that. Given that I grew up with barely enough to put on, I have never really managed to adapt to the new normal of sleeping while wearing clothes?
“Each time I started falling asleep, my mother would ensure I did not have clothes on for fear that they would choke me,” said one guzzler who only identified himself as Russell.
“If I sleep while wearing something, I am sure I won’t be comfortable and will not sleep soundly. These are some of the challenges we faced due to poverty . . . ,” he added.
And he is not the only person who shares that view.
A former boarding master at an Adventist secondary school said making learners put on something before retiring to bed was a major challenge he encountered.
“What you have asked is a funny, but a serious question. Students would mostly come into boarding school for Form One and getting them to put on something was a challenge. We tried introducing punishments for people whom we found sleeping in the nude, but these did not help much because most guys sleep naked.
“You really wonder what will happen in the event of an earthquake. Pyjamas and gowns make most of our learners feel very uncomfortable and this is the reason why they sleep in their birthday suits. Teachers have a torrid time introducing students to things like sportswear, swimwear and nightwear,” he said.
His colleagues had similar challenges.
“People largely are used to sleeping naked at tender ages and even up to now we have some in positions of authority, including teachers, who still sleep naked and we try to tell them to change, but it’s a real challenge.”
One woman from Glen Norah said the world has since changed.
“Ah, aha, children were made to sleep naked to ease pressure on those who did the laundry. If someone wets himself during the night, it means you have to wash the pyjamas and blankets. So to save yourself the hassle, you made the child sleep naked.
“Soap was expensive, but now we want the best for them (children). It was a challenge buying nightwear for our children. Nowadays we make them wear old clothes or regalia from unpopular political parties,” she said with a giggle.
We really must encourage each other to wear something in case of disaster.
Inotambika mughetto.
Online Reporter