Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
VALENTINE’S Day inspires a celebration of love and also presents to us a moment to reflect on the quality of our relationships.
Far too many beautiful young women— and men too — find themselves caught in relationships that linger without progress. Long engagements stretching beyond two, three, or even four years often leave much to be desired, especially for Christian couples.
While patience is a virtue, prolonged waiting without clarity can weigh heavily on the heart and open the door to temptations that weaken the bond.
Commitment matters
Commitment is not just about companionship; it is about building a covenant that reflects God’s design for marriage. The Bible teaches the importance of commitment,for example Genesis 2:24, or
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10. A dragging relationship, where progress toward marriage is hazy, risks spiralling from stagnancy. Couples may grow comfortable in the routine of it all, without realising they are actually not moving toward the very purpose of their union. It may be worth asking: is this truly God’s will, or are we settling for convenience?
The challenge of delay
Long engagements and cohabitation present unique challenges. Living together before marriage may seem ‘fashionable’, modern, or even practical. Yet, the truth is sobering: when a man already enjoys the benefits of marriage outside the covenant, he rarely sees the urgency or need to formalise the union. For the woman who desires marriage, cohabitation can become an undefined, perpetual compromise rather than a step toward commitment, unless addressed at an opportune time.
Scripture warns us about fornication, not to condemn, but to protect. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against their own body.”
This is not a harsh judgment but a loving reminder that intimacy was designed for the safety and sanctity of marriage. Your body is the temple of the living God.
So when couples give in to temptation outside of marriage,(granted, temptation is stubborn), they risk building a foundation on shifting sand rather than solid rock. Some marriages have suffered the consequences of those prior choices albeit unaware.
One of the hardest truths in relationships is recognising when someone is not equally invested.
A very general rule of thumb is: do not make someone a priority who treats you like an option. You deserve better.
And it starts with you, how you value and treat yourself, what you allow. If, for instance, you find yourself giving your all while the other person hesitates, delays, or avoids commitment or discussing it, it may be time to ask the difficult questions.
I have often mentioned this,that love is not meant to be one-sided. As Christians, we are called to love others as we love ourselves,which also requires respecting ourselves as we respect others. Proverbs reminds us to: “Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23). Guarding your heart sometimes means stepping back from relationships that drain rather than build.
What do experts say?
Relationship experts echo these concerns. “Couples who live together before marriage are more likely to experience marital instability and divorce,” says sociologist and author, Dr Mark Regnerus.
Relationship researcher, Dr Scott Stanley puts it this way: “The decision to cohabit is often driven by a desire to test compatibility, but research shows it can actually increase the risk of relationship problems.”
Similarly, psychologist Dr Henry Cloud, co-author of Boundaries in Dating, advises: “When you give too much without clarity, you risk losing yourself. Healthy relationships move toward commitment, not indefinite waiting.” These voices, among many others I could share, remind us that love without direction can become a trap rather than a blessing.
Sometimes the most loving act is to initiate honest conversations about the future of the relationship, if in an unclear, long engagement. It may feel uncomfortable to discuss, but clarity is far better, in my view, than drifting aimlessly.
If marriage is your desire, do not assume that giving more to your partner will eventually lead to commitment, or that they are necessarily on the same page as you, without ever discussing it.
The opposite could be true. For couples interested in marriage, communicating and setting timelines and goals for yourselves can help. Love thrives in truth, not in silent compromise and assumptions.
Every couple’s journey is of course unique, but God’s principles remain steady. For those happy to cohabit, it is their prerogative, and quite a different discussion altogether. This week we are reflecting on counsel for those desiring marriage but feeling stuck in a dragging engagement of sorts.
Commitment honours God, protects us, and builds a foundation for lasting love. Fornication and cohabitation may seem harmless in the moment, even ‘normal’, in the ever evolving world of dating, but the spiritual ripple effects cannot be ignored. In the physical, the practice often delays or derails the very covenant God designed for our good.
Ultimately, engagement should be a season of preparation, not indefinite waiting, or just ‘booking’ someone so that they are ‘off the market’, while one is still considering other options. Hazvisi kind izvozvo, if we are honest with ourselves. Have a heart for your partner and the time they are investing in the relationship.
Pakadaro it may be kinder to release them or at least seek counsel from trusted mentors, pastors, or family members who can provide perspective. Most importantly, pray together. Ask God to reveal His will and strengthen your resolve. As Valentine’s Day reminds us of love, let us also remember that true love seeks permanence, not convenience.
I would love to hear your views and experiences. Have you encountered the challenges of a long engagement or cohabitation? How did you navigate the sometimes difficult conversations about commitment? Your story could encourage someone who might be walking the same path.
Have a lovely, thoughtful and impactful Valentine’s Day.
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