adminMANY single people and those in unhappy relationships are consumed with finding the perfect partner. They scour dating sites and social media profiles or go to churches and bars looking for “the one”. It turns out to be a challenge as all the MR and MISS Perfect of this world seem to be taken. Now the question is, are they extinct or they have never existed and do not exist at all?
Most people are looking for someone established, loyal, successful, independent, good-looking, health, fitness savvy and loving of course.
When asking my friends and colleagues a tough question if the perfect partner exists, they believe that there is someone out there perfect for them.
Anyhow, I have pondered over a thought for a while now, “could it be a person’s differences, faults and unique qualities that complete us rather than their perfections? Could compromising on what we think makes the perfect partner be what truly makes us compatible? Is compromise the ‘secret’ to longevity in a relationship?”
A healthy relationship will never be the crutch for something that is missing in your life. Instead, a relationship is what compliments your life and your journey together as partners.
You need to ride the wave of life with someone who is supportive through the many ups and downs and provides you with the emotional safety required for a healthy and nurturing relationship. I have come to notice that most healthy relationships come about when we are at our most vulnerable, revealing our imperfections and being accepted for who we truly are.
So how can you be looking for someone who is perfect when you all have a past? This is where compromising a very small percentage of your wants and needs may allow you to become more accepting and able to understand that previous relationships are the building blocks that lead you to better recognise what and who you need in life.
In looking for perfection, you are only setting yourself up for continuous disappointment. You should try to find someone who fits your core wants and needs. This includes your love language, values, life vision, and your ideal lover and best friend. I want you to imagine you have found the funniest, sweetest and most generous soul that you can see a future with, however they aren’t as ambitious as you and this makes you reconsider them as your perfect partner.
But what if this difference is something you can learn from? A good way to see this is to acknowledge that someone else’s flaws or differences may actually bring something new to your table. What if this difference is something you can learn from?
Using ambition as the example again, you may come to realise that your high standards of ambition are what has you in a constant state of fight or flight mode and not be able to relax in the present moment.
This is why compromising on this particular expectation will compliment you in your life as you may learn to spend more time in the present moment rather than focussing on your ambitions. Not only that, but your ambitious nature could also fuel ambition in your partner.
If you did find the perfect someone, you would never grow, improve and enrich your own self-development. It is unfortunate people tend to repeat cycles in relationships and attract similar partners.
Life is challenging enough as it is, especially in a busy city where everyone is fighting for success. So why do you overcomplicate your relationships and their ideas? Why can’t you just be honest and open from the get-go, put our cards on the table and try your luck? No more poker face, no more masks, just throw yourself in and see what happens. Let loose, be wild!
It’s no secret that love is something that grows and is cultivated between people who want to give it a real try and don’t give up after the first few hurdles. Not only that but no matter how high you set your bar for love, life will deliver characters to test you, help you to grow and carve you into the person you will eventually become.
I have also realised, that you cannot help who you fall for, although this could also depend heavily on the stage of life that you are at, how vulnerable you are and how much you are willing to compromise. No matter how high you set your bar for love, life will deliver characters to test you.
A genuine authentic bond is rare to find, it cannot be explained in words or described in actions it’s an innate feeling that is exclusive to you, but when you find it you will know. You must also value your love history though it did not work, it served its purpose of teaching you
to look at the world differently.
The journey to find love is as long as it is short, so be kind to everyone and don’t overlook somebody who could be your once-in-a-lifetime chance at happiness. In reality, when two perfectly flawed, quirky people come together, they can BECOME perfect for each other if they accept each other as they are, trusting that together they can grow into better versions of themselves.
Human beings tend to be judgmental and look at the messy flaws in each other before looking at the endearing and beautiful qualities you all possess. If you do this (assess the flaws) you will never find “the one” because we are all messy little humans filled with flaws and cracks.
Relationships are like plants, when planted in the right conditions and with the right care, they can flourish and grow. The right conditions imply there is no abuse, infidelity, addiction, moral differences or other serious issues that have to be addressed.
Try looking for the one who is not perfect, but is authentic and possesses qualities such as kindness, respect, a sense of humour, someone who’s supportive, caring, playful and shares similar values.
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