adminAnne Ruthernberg Marriage Doctor
HELLO there folks, it is back to school for the kids this week. I hope all went well. We thank God for the nightly rains we received in some parts of the city over the last week. It might not seem like much, but it helps.
Dear Dr,
My husband and I have been married for quite a while now. We were not married in the church because we were not Christians. But now I am a Christian and I want him to be Christian, but he does not want to. Since I became a Christian, it seems the devil has gotten into him because he gets upset when I go to church meetings and he says I am too involved in the church. Honestly Dr, I need your urgent help here because I cannot take it anymore. He refuses to change and this marriage is becoming unbearable. We are no longer on the same page in our marriage and how can two people walk together if they are no longer in agreement. He won’t come to church and refuses to attend any church functions with or without me. What can I do? Please, please help me!
End.
Hello there reader, thank you for your question. I love to answer Christians or religious people because it is easier to refer to their belief system and that is what I am going to do with you today dear.
It is unfortunate that you find yourself in the season at a different place with your husband because, yes it is almost impossible for two to walk together if they are not in agreement. But may I at this time speak to you dear as it is you who has brought this issue to our attention.
First, we thank God for the fact that you have now accepted a religion and are serving God. It is very important for us as human beings to belong to some form of religion that believes in God so that you live a correct and principled life for your good and the good of those around you. It is unfortunate though that your conversion did not happen with your husband and it is hard for you to have the type of conversations you used to have before because now you are on the other side. And now you see things differently, but you man still enjoys life as it used to be.
However, my dear, I must remind you that when you made this choice to convert, you made it alone, (rightly so) because salvation is an individual choice. Now the decision you made requires you to make certain commitments to the institution that governs it (the church), and to the one you worship (God), and the guideline for all is the Bible. Now each church has rules they implement to help new Christians grow and become strong. But some of these rules are manmade not God-made, hence we call it religion. So as a new Christian you need to balance out what your church asks of you, with what the word of God (Bible) says you should be doing especially in the way of your marriage.
I have seen many marriages collapse because a husband or wife starts to give more attention to the church and its members than to his or her partner. This is not the way things should be. There must be a balance. In the Christian bible Ephesians 5:22 it says……..Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
This my dear is the verse you should be meditating on constantly especially when you are angry with your man. Holding back sex just because you are mad with him is not of God my dear, let me tell you. That action is just inviting satan into the house and before you know it your man is having sex with your neighbour while you are worshipping in church. Refusing to cook for him because you are attending the ladies’ meeting, just invites satan in again, when he starts eating down town at the braai place where other women will be more than willing to serve him. Can you see how what your mind tells you is right and what your actions do for the sake of looking good in church; may not actually be a God thing.
Do not make your husband hate your God because of your actions dear. As a Christian there are things in the Bible that women are told they need to do for their husbands regardless of what your husband is. Now get me right, if he is abusive or mistreating you, get out and get help! But if your marriage is normal (as in there is a reasonable amount of joy, arguments, tears, laughter etc), then you need to do what the Bible says you should be doing and also what you promised to do on your wedding day.
A Christian woman will learn to look after and serve her man so well that he has no choice, but to turn to God. You should be giving him sex so often and so good that the man gets scared of your God’s power in you. And by the way when two people have sex, there is a transfer of spirits, so this is your chance to have the Holy Spirit in you go into him (kikiki). You should be making sure the man looks good out there to the point where he gets scared to lose you because you are so awesome. And you should be looking and smelling so good that your man starts to give your God glory for you. And yes, there will be days when you need to attend different meetings at church, but make sure dear that your home is in order before you leave for church. Make sure the house is clean, the food is cooked and in the warming drawer, his clothes are clean and ready for the next day. Leave him a loving note on his beside pillow just to remind him you are thinking about him even though you are at church. This, my dear is what real Christian women do. Proverbs 31 will tell you all about this.
Woman you need to stop speaking to your husband in tongues and you need to start speaking to him in the language he understands and that is “love”. Then you need to take your tongues to your prayer closet and talk to your God about the issues you have with your man. You cannot change your man my dear, but you can certainly show him the way to Christ through your actions. But many of us women when we get converted start to think we are higher than mighty and we start to act so untouchable, even our clothes are scared to touch us.
Come on now, let us be serious, this is real life, this is marriage and your man is a human being. Come back down to earth dear and show him Jesus’ love. Then when you are with Jesus be in the spirit and pray the changes into your husband that you want to see in the flesh. Punishing him, telling the whole church how bad he is and turning against him is not the God thing to do, that just smells more like what Satan would do. And you know what dear, regardless of his belief system — he is Gods son, and God is the only one who can change your man and in Gods own time. All you can do is to do your wifely duties until God changes him or moves him out.
Marriage Doctor can be messaged/whatsapped on 0772 933 845 or email: [email protected].
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