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Laina Makuzha LOVE by DESIGN
In the bustling world of Christian dating, mature singles often find themselves navigating a unique path — one that is sometimes overlooked in the teachings of the church. This week I’m delving in this after being part of a discussion that showed this issue is still problematic for this particular group of people.
As couples meet, marry, and sometimes face divorce or tragedy, mature singles can feel lost in the shuffle. While the focus is placed on young single adults and couples, the needs of mature singles can be overlooked, leaving some feeling isolated and uncertain about their place in the church community.
Sweeping statements and stereotypes leave grey areas for this group which can go unnoticed. The body of Christ needs to reflect on how they can better serve and minister to this group of individuals who have specific challenges that differ from those of younger singles.
One common mistake that churches make is lumping mature singles together with young single adults or with the youth when teaching about singlehood.
In my view, this approach fails to address the unique circumstances of mature singles who may have had life partners or are caring for children.
Their challenges are distinct from those of young singles who are still in the process of becoming adults. As someone who has had the privilege of visiting and fellowshipping with multiple churches, I have observed these traits in various gatherings.
Churches can start by offering specific programmes and support groups tailored to the needs of mature singles.
Here are some thoughts which we will expand:
Acknowledge their unique circumstances
Mature singles — whether widowed, single parents or divorcees — have distinct challenges. They’ve experienced life partnerships and may have children to raise. Unlike young single adults or youth living with parents, their circumstances require tailored advice and understanding and that is not to say you should “baby” them or pity them — that’s different and would be counterproductive.
Scripture offers some insight:
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (NIV) says: “Now to the unmarried and the widows, I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
This passage acknowledges the challenges faced by mature singles and emphasises the importance of companionship.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV) puts it this way:
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour: If either of them falls, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
Mature singles need community and support at different points in their journeys, even though some may feel strong enough or choose to reject such support. The church can play a vital role in providing this nonetheless for those who earnestly need it.
A professional matchmaker, Shannon Lundgren, highlights the digital sphere as a powerful tool for mature singles. Online dating platforms allow them to connect with potential companions, especially after the loss of a partner or divorce. The body of Christ must reflect on its treatment of mature singles.
Here are actionable steps:
Compassion and Inclusion:
Churches should create spaces where mature singles feel seen and valued. Avoid lumping them with younger singles during teachings. Recognise their unique circumstances and provide relevant guidance.
Support and Healing:
Though I’ve heard strong arguments against this one, I still think there’s a way to offer support groups specifically for mature singles. Those who are against the idea, including some mature singles themselves, argue that such support groups can be viewed as segregation, or can be misconstrued for a pity party or abused and turned into a gossip and comparison platform where people compete for who has the saddest story or circumstance.
While they may have a point, the way I see it and I stand corrected — these gatherings could be very useful in addressing emotional needs, healing from loss, and the challenges of single parenting. In the same vein, the support systems would also encourage mentorship between mature singles and those who have navigated similar paths successfully, through occasional events with expert speakers.
Purpose and Service:
To remind mature singles of their divine purpose. They can serve in various capacities within the church, using their life experiences to minister to others.
Encourage them to share their stories, wisdom, and faith with the congregation though of course again the issue of judgement would have to be carefully considered.
By fostering compassion, providing support, and recognising their unique journey, the church and society can play a pivotal role in promoting healing and supporting them to serve God’s purpose.
Let’s continue this conversation to share views or experiences for a more inclusive and supportive community.
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