Online Reporter
Fadzayi Maposah-Correspondent
Early this week, I met my mother in the passage at night. She looked at me like a child who had been caught while up to some mischief.
Leaning on her walking stick, she looked at me as if she was challenging me to ask her questions. I did not. I decided that I would open the kitchen door and act as if I had some business to do.
Mind you, this is way after 8pm. Before meeting in the passage, we had been watching television together. I got up to go to the bedroom, only to return and find my mother gone from her seat.
As I made the first step into the kitchen, she called out my name. I turned. She was smiling. Before I could even say something, she let out a giggle.
She then proceeded still with a smile on her face: “Ndiri kutozviseka ndiri pano ( I am laughing at myself as I stand here). I responded with a question; “Ko nei nhai Mhai?” (Why, Mother?).
The smile did not leave her face. My Mother has a beautiful smile. I sometimes ask myself if her looks and smile were critical magnets that drew my father’s attention!
“Ndiri kutozvibvunza kuti toilet iri kupiko? Ndofanirwa kubuda panze here kana kuti iri kupi, ndiri kutozvishaya ini. Ndibatsireiwo, ndakanganwa.” (I am asking myself, where is the toilet. Must I go outside, where is the toilet, I cannot figure where it is. Please help me, I have forgotten).
I simply said I would show her. Led the way down the passage when I got to the toilet, I opened the door and as she saw a familiar room, she smiled said thank you. I closed the door and left. I did not go far, it was when I heard the door open after some time and the sound of her walking stick as she made her way back that I walked away so that it would not appear as if I had been policing her.
Two days later at night as I sat with her, she told me that she did not have airtime anymore as her messages were not being sent. In trying to resolve the issue, I noticed that an unknown number had called her. So I asked her who it was.
She then asked to see the phone as if by looking at the unknown number she would be able to identify the caller. Her first response was she could not remember. She gave me back the phone. I tried to call back and the number was unavailable. Then after sometime, she told me that she remembered who had called her. I asked her who it was.
She said: “Ndibaba”, (It is father) and I replied: “Baba vani?” (Whose father). My mother laughed, called me crazy and then asked me how many fathers I had. I did not respond. Then she simply said Baba.
It was then it clicked that she meant my father. It took me a lot of restraint to remain composed. She said that Baba had called. When I asked her what he had said, she said not much, he had just called to check on her and he does that often when they are apart.
My father died in 2015 and in March this year, it will be 11 years since his death, but my mother says that she has been receiving calls from him and that he calls often to check on her.
Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards. As we interact, we hear so many stories of old people who have been blamed for witchcraft.
I have said it before and I will say it again, in most cases as Zimbabweans and Africans, when we cannot explain a phenomenon, we simply attribute it to witchcraft. I have been thinking what if my mother was back kumusha kuSanyati, and she was telling someone about my father checking on her and maybe leaving him food on the table as he went to bed?
This could be someone young, who knew that my father died and their grandparents or parents attended the funeral? We could get calls that the community had noted that my mother was involved in witchcraft and they wanted her out of the society.
So many people suffering from dementia have been labelled witches and because of lack of information, their families quickly accept that the relatives are witches and they no longer want to associate with them.
According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), dementia is a syndrome which leads to deterioration in memory, thinking, behaviour and ability to perform everyday activities.
Alzheimer’s disease is the most common form of dementia, which is the seventh leading cause of death among all diseases and is a major cause of disability and dependency among older people globally. WHO also notes that while age is the most common risk factor for dementia, other diseases that affect the brain can increase the risk of developing dementia.
The presentation of dementia varies from individuals affected by cause and circumstances. It is put into phases. Early dementia includes symptoms such as forgetfulness, losing track of time and becoming lost in familiar places.
The middle stage includes forgetting recent events, names, becoming confused while at home, difficulty communicating, needing assistance in personal care and behavioural changes that can include wandering and repeated questioning.
In the final stages of dementia, individuals with this condition may become totally dependent on others as they become unaware of time and place, have challenges recognising people, including close friends and family.
While those who lack information choose to blame witchcraft, let us choose to read more about health conditions such as dementia that may be complex. Even against a society that may not be supportive in terms of seeking counselling, when we are overwhelmed, let us be bold to take that step, seek help so that we are better placed to handle these issues and their strain on our health as carers.
May we also be courageous to admit like my mother lost on her way to the toilet, that we are clueless on how we should proceed with the health conditions that have found a home with us!
