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Fadzayi Maposah Correspondent
If there is a time that is confusing, it is adolescence. It is confusing both for the adolescent and the parent or guardians.
Adolescence is the transition from childhood to adulthood. According to the Standard National Adolescent and Youth Sexual and Reproductive Health Training Manual (2016) adolescence begins at puberty and it is a period in which an individual undergoes major physical, psychological and emotional changes.
During this period there is an exceptional rapid growth and development. The World Health Organisation (WHO) states the period as being from 10 to 19 years and is broken into early, mid and late adolescence.
It is basically 10 full years of dealing with an adolescent and vice versa. I say vice versa because the adolescents are actually dealing with their parents or guardians too. Do you realise that there are some adults who actually hold grudges against some adults because of some things that happened when they were young? Some issues could be ones that happened in adolescence.
There is one thing that some parents and guardians used to do a lot some time ago. There are still some parents and guardians who have the tendency to do what I am referring to.
The practise is probably convenient to the parents and guardians because they want to limit the amount of work that needs to be done. It is also very important to acknowledge that parents and guardians have a lot of responsibilities upon their shoulders.
I always say this and I will say this again, parenting is a lot of work and it brings with it a lot of responsibilities. It is also important to share that unfortunately there are some people who judge parents for how their children turn out.
So the issue that I am talking about is how parents like to dress siblings the same way. Now how the clothes drape on the children is totally different. Imagine one child who is like me, chubby and big and another one who is slim. The parents because they do not want to be accused of favouritism maybe will just go into a shop and buy the same dress, same colour, the only different thing will be the sizes.
It is good that the children would feel that they were loved the same. Take note of the word feel. At some age children feel that they are loved because they see that all things being done are fair because they are the same. With time the same children come to realise that one child can have more because they have more need than the other child. Equity rather than equality.
It might seem great dressing siblings the same but later as the children grow older, mostly at puberty they do not appreciate this. The children have different preferences and they suddenly realise that the outfit does not look as good on them as the other child. Also the colour shades of the clothes and the different shades of skin complexion.
I just wonder why the parents and guardians of long ago did this.
When flipping through the photographs albums, one can only wince or smile as they see the evidence of how they were dressed back then.
Despite it all, the parents and guardians of back then and now always or in most instances anyway have the best interests of the children at heart.
While adolescence is a transition, it is in most instances a long one which can leave either parents or children with scars.
As long as it suits the parents or guardians, the adolescent is a child. This is usually the case when the adults are at their wits’ end and just want to put a close to the discussion.
The adults will just declare that the adolescent is a child who needs to have decisions made for them.
Such instances can be when the adolescent wants to go to places that the parents may not be comfortable with like music shows or want to come home a bit later than usual. Parents and guardians can say that the adolescent is still a child who should not be in the places that they want to be because they are children. Adolescent agrees grudgingly.
Then the cordials in the house are running low, the adolescent child reaches for the cordials bottle so that they cool off. In doing so, the adults stop the adolescent child on the pretext that the cordials left are for the younger children in the house.
Confusion reigns supreme in the adolescent’s head. Having been denied the chance to go to a musical show because they are a child , they have also been denied having cordials which have been reserved for the younger siblings because they are older! Truly mind boggling.
On the adolescents’ side, they also throw in some spanners into the works. Communication is not very clear. They have different ways of showing their love.
At times they just stare at you then one has to really look at the smile itching at the ends of the mouth. If there are times that a parent or guardian has to be very alert it is during adolescence.
Most of the communication vibes are basically non verbal. An adolescent with all the hormones in high drive requires a lot of love. The adolescent may act high and mighty and appear not to appreciate shows of emotion but deep down they appreciate it. All confusing!
Besides growing tall and bigger, the child inside the adolescent yearns for love through the emotional changes taking place.
Through it all, no one wants to hurt the other but the challenge could be that neither part is equipped to effectively communicate.
One can never run away from the adolescent years, what is important is to reach out, love the adolescent, seek help and guidance from others who went through the process and navigate carefully though the years. One day you will realise that though it was not easy, what made it worthwhile were the lessons learnt.
Online Reporter