Should l tell my wife that l kissed another woman

Dear Coleen

I still feel guilty over something that happened seven years ago when I first started dating my wife. Our relationship is great, we’ve built a brilliant life together over the past few years. However, the first few months of our relationship were tricky, due to a clash of in-laws, but we got through it and it actually made us stronger.But just two months into our relationship I kissed another woman in a nightclub. It was just a kiss and a squeeze of the bum, but nothing more. Now, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything at the time and, as we all know, weeks turn into months and months turn into years. But lately it’s been really bugging me.

I feel this guilt eating away at me sometimes. We have such a nice life together and I’m scared it will all come crashing down. That is the one and only time I’ve ever ‘cheated’ on her in our whole relationship.

Do I just try to forget what happened and move on or do I tell my wife what happened all those years ago? What’s your opinion?

Coleen says

My opinion is, I think she might laugh if you tell her. I honestly think you should forget about it. It happened during the very early stages of your relationship and it was just a kiss.

I actually think if you suddenly confessed to it now and seemed riddled with guilt, she might read more into it.

I think you need to ask yourself why you’re feeling like this. Often when life is good, we do worry that something will happen to threaten it all. I think you’re just afraid of that happening because you’re blissfully happy.

But you can’t live your life like that, otherwise you miss all the good stuff right under your nose because you’re too busy worrying about things you can’t control.

Honestly, I’ve been with my husband for 16 years and if he’d snogged someone when he was drunk two months into our relationship, I wouldn’t want to know.

Everything is going well and you’ve never kissed a stranger in a nightclub since, so don’t rock the boat.

And stop giving yourself a hard time about it – it’s not as if you had a full-blown affair. If it had happened last week, I’d be giving you different advice and asking you to think about why you did it, and whether your relationship was as rock-solid as you say it is. But not for a kiss that happened so long ago.

Dear Coleen

I’m a 20-year-old lad who is good looking and funny (sorry, I don’t mean to brag about myself!).

Anyway, people have always associated me with the ‘player’ stereotype, but I have never actually had a girlfriend. I wish I could find one, but I always get so nervous around women that I lose focus and my charm disappears. I then just turn into this train wreck of a person.

What do you think I need to do to attract women and not get so nervous that my heart is beating out of my chest? It’s high time I had a girlfriend and it’s messing with my head. Please help!

Coleen says

As you say, you’re an attractive, funny guy, so stop thinking about how you need to change to talk to girls.

I think your desperation to find a girlfriend is making you overthink things. If you try to be anything other than yourself when you’re chatting to girls and then you end up dating someone, how will you be able to keep up that persona? If a girl doesn’t like you for who you really are, she’s not right for you. Move on!

The next time you get chatting to someone, just relax and behave the way you do around your mates. That’s the best way to attract the person who’s right for you.

And stop panicking – we’re exactly like you, just female! So if a girl fancies you, the chances are she is equally as nervous.

Dear Coleen

I wrote to you some months ago about the stupid mistake I made, sleeping with my husband’s friend.

Things have got more complicated since then I found out I’m five months pregnant.

I was very shocked I have a skinny physique and I’m not showing at all. I went to the doctor and they said it was too late for a termination.

I love my husband so much – he is my best friend as well as my lover.

I made one mistake in the 10 years we’ve been together , I’m just not that kind of girl.

It’s almost like it wasn’t me doing it and I feel so guilty.

My husband and I have been trying for two years for a baby and if this baby isn’t his, it will destroy him.

His friend has no idea I’m pregnant and that it could be his.

I can’t stand him every time I bump into him he gives me that look of, ‘Yep, I’ve had you!’

I don’t want him to be the father, he would be a terrible dad. He already has kids he never sees.

I want to come clean but if I do my husband, my family and friends will turn against me.

Please give me some advice.

Coleen says

You seem convinced the baby is your husband’s friend’s but the only way to know for sure is by doing a DNA test when the child is born.

My advice is, if you don’t sort this out now, it will be a very heavy burden. Even if you kept quiet, you’d always know and wonder.

We all get things wrong at some point in our lives and have to accept the consequences.

I don’t think everyone will turn against you – unless none of your friends and relatives has ever made a mistake. I doubt that very much.

If you really do love your hubby, that’s an even bigger reason to come clean, even if he leaves you.

I don’t think you’d be able to live with this secret and that would impact your relationship.

Also, give your husband some credit.

Naturally, he’ll be hurt and angry but when the dust has settled he might also accept how it happened and agree to find out who the father is when the baby is born and take things from there.

There were obviously reasons why you fell into someone else’s arms maybe the stress of trying for a baby?

If he wants to work on your marriage, you have to talk about those reasons, so you don’t fall into the same trap again.—Mirror Online