admintheir predicament is not as pronounced as that of the later.
Reasons for divorce are many and varied. Some couples divorce after losing the emotional attachment that brought them together after some time in their marriage, while economic and social considerations also come into play. Those who marry for money usually go their separate ways once this medium for transaction vanishes, but life has to go on. People don’t stop breathing because they have been sent packing. Life has to go on. No woman in a sane community with a functional legal system can be condemned to the grave because they are single. Life has to go on.
According to the International Bill of rights, everyone has a right to love, but society seems to want to qualify this right whenever a single mother is involved.
“Ah. . . ah manje anozozvikwanisa here zvemba? Ko iko kwaakabva ikoko akambobvirei. Ndomashura ava kuda kuitika aya,” you hear women saying while arranging vegetables for sale in the ghetto.
“Over my decomposed body. That will never happen to my son. That woman is after something and I am going to fight tooth and nail to stop that rubbish,” you hear people plotting over lunch breaks at the workplace, all in the hope of denying a single mother a chance to retrace her footsteps on to the marriage ladder. Being born to a single mother is as if you have committed a crime. People around you all seem hell bent on blaming you for your mother’s mistakes.
“What did you expect from him. He is a spoilt brat. These people born of single mothers cannot separate good from bad because they are used to seeing their mothers in the comfort of other men,” people often say, ignoring that no one should be punished for another.
Even people who claim to be friends with single mothers and single men usually do not really mean what they say.
“He is single that’s why he takes a pedestrian approach to life,” you hear people saying of their peers in the bar.
While some people become single as a result of divorce, some find themselves in that predicament because of death.
It is not illegal for young widows to date or remarry for as long as they are not snatching someone’s lover.
Gentle reader, children brought up by single people go through a lot.
People call them all sorts of names, which may affect them for as long as they live.
In Shona, a child whose father denies paternity is usually christened Murambiwa (One who was refused by his father.)
The name itself tells people, even without asking, the circumstances of the child’s birth making society view them in very bad light.
Chenzira (One born out of moving up and down the streets) is another name given to children raised by single mothers whose parentage is either doubted or unknown.
Gentle reader, this writer this week chanced upon a research by Moreblessings Busi Chitauro titled “Mvana and Their Children: The Language of the Shona People as it Relates to Women and Womens’ Space” and had quite a good laugh as well as a deeper insight into the life on single women. Chitauro says out of 50 responses, the term “mvana”, and sometimes its variant bvana, emerges as the overwhelming term for single mothers, in over 99 percent of the responses.
Other terms such as nzenza (one easily carried away — prostitute), hure (whore), pfambi/fambi (prostitute), joki (prostitute), shirikadzi (widow) and tsvingudzi (married woman courted by another man, who is not her lawful partner) are also given.
The terms appear, mostly, alongside mvana/bvana, as if to provide further descriptions of the term. Sometimes two, three or four of these terms may appear in one questionnaire as alternate answers. The first four terms, which when added together, amount to about 25 percent of the responses, suggest sluttish behaviour on the part of the single mother.
Tsvingudzi, mentioned in one or two places, also intimates the same.
Widowhood results from bereavement and not the lack of a marriage, per se.
Therefore, strictly speaking, shirikadzi does not fit the mvana label, and its appearance in a negligible number of responses supports this assertion.
For single fathers, 60 percent of the responses indicate no known specific term for single fatherhood.
These responses are stated as, handizivi (don’t know), hakuna (there is none) or by a dash or blank space.
Tsvimborume (usually refers to bachelor past the age of marrying) appears in 20 percent of the responses.
The rest of the responses for single fathers, include such terms as, baba (father), murume (man), zeeretsi (a person who lives like a tramp, not taking responsibility for her/himself). It was further explained by some that the term tsvimborume as currently used makes reference to the “marriedless” status of the man, rather than the state of single fatherhood.
Baba makes reference to fatherhood, but without the connotations of a single father.
Murume is just a man.
Terms for children
Chipo(gift)
Zvikomborero (blessings)
Hazvinei (it does not matter)
Mugove (it is our) share/portion]
Gamuchirai (please, accept/receive)
Mubvandiripo (the one I came with — child conceived before present marriage and whose father is other than present husband)
Muzukuru (grandchild/daughter/son, nephew and niece)
(Ma)gora [wild cat(s)]
Musemwa (the hated/loathed one)
Murambiwa (the one who was refused/rejected)
Vasina baba (with no father)
Vasina musha (with no home)
Vana vasingazivikanwi baba vavo (children whose father is not known)
Vana vemusango (children of the forest)
Wemudondo (of the forest)
Chemudondo (the thing of the forest)
Magwenzi (bushes/shrubbery)
Chisango (bush)
Mwana wemudondo (child of the forest)
mwana wemusango (child of the forest)
mwana wemakwenzi (child of the bushes/shrubbery)
Gentle reader, the list of derogatory terms is quite huge. Certain landlords are known not to accept single mothers as tenants, meaning their children usually do not get roofs over their heads like other children.
While it is important to be assertive and demand one’s space, it is essential to assess the downstream effects of our decision to divorce whenever calamity strikes.
Inotambika mughetto
Online Reporter