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WHILE watching some content on marriage and relationships as I often do to keep up with current happenings in the relationships landscape, I came across a video on singleness that caught my attention.
The thing is, in a world that might seem to glorify relationships and marriage, singleness can sometimes feel like a perpetual waiting room or a prolonged punishment for some wrongdoing.
Some singles have second guessed themselves, wondering if there is something they are doing wrong.
I know a few beautiful and focused singles in their 30s and 40s who have lamented that no one approaches them for dating, while in the same vein, they watch their peers marrying and moving forward with their lives.
“Where are all the eligible singles?” or “why are we singles being punished this way?” are just some of the remarks I hear all too often in variation.
However, as Pastor Steven Furtick eloquently teaches, singleness is not a punishment — it is a season of preparation.
In his sermon, “How God Introduces You to Your Soulmate”, Pastor Furtick emphasises the importance of finding your divine purpose before seeking a partner, which I now may be arguable for some.
He explains that God often uses this time to shape us, refine our character, and align us with His plans. “Before God introduces you to your soulmate, He introduces you to yourself,” Furtick says, highlighting the transformative power of self-discovery and spiritual growth.
Furtick’s message resonates deeply with many singles who struggle with the question: “How do I know if I’ve found ‘the one’?”
He suggests that the answer lies not in external signs but in internal alignment. When you are walking in your purpose and trusting God’s timing, the right person will complement your journey rather than complete it.
This perspective shifts the focus from seeking a partner to becoming the best version of yourself first.
The role of divine timing and obedience
Pastor Ken and Tabatha Claytor, known for their candid discussions on relationships, echo similar sentiments. In their podcast episode, “Single, Saved & Over It”, they discuss the importance of maximising your single season.
They encourage singles to focus on spiritual growth, emotional healing, and practical preparation for marriage.
“God is not withholding a partner from you; He is preparing you for the partner He has for you,” they explain.
The Claytors also emphasise the role of obedience in this process. By aligning your actions with God’s will, you position yourself to receive His blessings, including a God-ordained relationship.
One of their key teachings is the concept of “purpose partners.” A purpose partner is someone who not only shares your faith but also supports your calling and mission. The Claytors caution against settling for less than God’s best, urging singles to wait for a partner who aligns with their values and vision.
Masculinity, emotional healing, and relationships
Jason Wilson, a mentor and author known for his work on masculinity and emotional healing, adds another layer to this discussion that I find really worth pondering on.
In his book “Cry Like a Man”, Wilson challenges traditional notions of masculinity and encourages men to embrace vulnerability and emotional intelligence.
Unlike some teachings that promoted bottling in of pain and the “men-don’t-cry” school of thought, Wilson believes that true strength lies in the ability to confront and heal from past traumas, which is essential for building healthy relationships.
His teachings on this subject are particularly targeted mostly for men navigating singleness. He argues that ‘emotional incarceration’ — being trapped by unprocessed emotions — can hinder one’s ability to connect authentically with others.
By breaking free from these emotional barriers, men can approach relationships with clarity and confidence. Wilson’s message is a powerful reminder that personal growth is a prerequisite for relational success.
Practical steps for singles
Drawing from these teachings, I picked a few practical steps for singles seeking to prepare for a God-ordained relationship:
Discover your purpose: Spend time in prayer and reflection to understand your calling and passions. Pursue activities and goals that align with your divine purpose.
Heal from the past: Address any emotional wounds or unresolved issues that could impact your future relationship. And as I have recommended in the past, it may be helpful to seek counselling or mentorship from qualified members of society if needed.
Trust God’s timing: Resist the urge to rush into a relationship out of fear or impatience. Trust that God’s timing is perfect and that He is working behind the scenes.
Do not forget to also set clear boundaries (we have covered these at length in the past) in your interactions and relationships to protect your heart and honour God. I have further pointers on dating in a way that honours God, for anyone who might be struggling with that aspect.
An invitation to reflect and share
As you navigate your single season, remember that you are not alone. Many have walked this path and found joy and fulfilment in the process. Pay attention to what God might be saying to you, areas that may still be needing His healing touch or purpose that He may be calling you to.
What are your thoughts though on singleness as preparation for great things to come?
Have you experienced moments where God used this season to shape you? Share your pointers for singles, perhaps your experiences and reflections — I would love to hear from you.
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