Sis Noe

Hi Sis Noe
MY husband has changed since we got married 10 months ago. He used to enjoy going out and trying new things but now he just wants to sit at home. He has also started criticising me for my cooking and the way I look — and sometimes the way he speaks to me just makes me cry. How can I make things right again? — Worried.
Reply
No one says marriage is easy. There is always a period of adjustment after the euphoria of the wedding and the honeymoon. Then, over the years that follow, every couple has issues they have to work through if they are to stay together. On top of that come all the responsibilities of running a home together, never mind a family. The good news is that dealing with all this makes a relationship stronger — but in order to do that, you have to communicate. In other words, your husband has to tell you what he’s thinking so that you can work together as a team. Sit him down and explain that you can’t go on like this. You have to know why his behaviour has changed because your happiness and the marriage itself are now at stake.

Hi Sis Noe
I’ve been feeling depressed for several years now, and I finally went to my doctor to discuss treatment. I now realise that my problem is the people I’m surrounded by everyday — my workmates and my girlfriend. Their constant moaning and negativity just brings me down. — Help.
Reply
Do you really need me to tell you? You only get one shot at life and it’s far too brief to waste with people who lower your spirits. Get yourself moved to a different team or department at work, or even change your job entirely. Tell your girlfriend that she needs to improve her attitude if this relationship is to survive, and make sure you see more of these friends who put a smile back on your face.

Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend wants us to have sex everywhere including in the bush and public toilets. I don’t like it and I’m also scared that we will get caught. So what should I do? — Worried.
Reply
Making an effort to please your partner is all part of having a good and healthy sex life — but there are limits and it sounds as though you’ve reached yours. If you don’t relish the prospect of making love in a lift or a restaurant toilet — and very few people would — then you’re absolutely right to say so. But I think there’s more going on here than incompatible sex drives. If you’re trying to give this man the impression that you’re edgy and enjoy risks when really you don’t, then you’re not being true to yourself or honest with him. I suspect he isn’t the man for you — definitely not if he doesn’t take no for an answer.

Hi Sis Noe
I am scared that my boyfriend is going to dump me because I think I’m boring. I can’t help myself but I keep asking him if he loves me. I feel so insecure. — Worried.
Reply
You’ve got to calm down or you’ll be in danger of turning your fears into self-fulfilling prophecies. If you lack any confidence in yourself, how can you expect your beleaguered partner to respect and understand you? He’s told you that he loves you and isn’t planning to go anywhere, so don’t insult him by constantly repeating the question. Challenge yourself this year with a project that will give you a sense of fulfillment but do speak to your GP if you’re struggling to cope.

Hi Sis Noe
My wife wants to start a family as soon as possible. I want children, too, but our love life is now just about conception. She insists on sex when she is ovulating, but she pushes me away at any other time. My needs and desires, even for just a kiss and a cuddle, seem not to matter anymore. This is really beginning to upset me but my wife is so single-minded that she won’t admit there’s a problem. What can I say to her? — Worried.
Reply
It’s vital that you discuss this matter away from the bedroom. Explain to your wife that you want a family just as much as she does, but you can’t go on like this because it’s soul-destroying. Of course you can make love during her periods of ovulation, but not “on demand”, and not to the exclusion of affection and spontaneity. Ask her to relax and start seeing things from your point of view.

Hi Sis Noe
I’m being stalked by a woman who I once promised to marry. We worked together 10 years ago and were very close for a while. She has recently come back into my life and keeps saying we should get together. She’s making my life miserable. What should I do? — Frustrated.
Reply
Get tough with this lady and explain to her that you are not the answer to her problems. Maybe you did promise to marry her — it’s possible that you said all sorts of things — but you can’t be held to that proposal 10 years down the line. The reality is that you are not in love with each other and you have your own life to live. I get the impression that she is clutching at straws in the hope she will break you down. Unfortunately, if she starts to make a real nuisance of herself, you will have to consider reporting her to the police for harassment. Hopefully it won’t come to that, but it’s vital that you are firm, honest and resolute about your determination not to marry someone that you are not committed to.

Hi Sis Noe
Our sex life is non-existent because my partner and I are never in the mood at the same time. I’m a morning person and always wake up early, while she sleeps in until 10am because she works long shifts. At weekends I have a second job in the evenings that wears me out, but this is when my partner would like us to be intimate. We both say it’s the other one who is selfish. We are in love, but how do we stop ourselves from drifting apart? — Worried.
Reply
Clearly something has to give if this relationship is to be rescued. Instead of squabbling and trading insults, I suggest you and your partner sit down and thrash out a solution. I realise money is always tight, but could she cut down on her hours in the week, while you give up your Saturday or Sunday shift? Relationships are all about compromise, so would she consent to one early morning love-making session in order to please you — if you promise to make more of an effort for her? You could also benefit from putting unbreakable date nights and sex dates in the diary.