Sis Noe: I am 22 and have never had a girlfriend

Hi Sis Noe
MY wife won’t let me go to nightclubs with friends. Before we married I used to go but now she forbids me and I don’t like it. She is telling me that I will cheat on her. I want to hang out with my friends, but she does not want me to. She says if I do not allow her to go to parties then I should also not go. — Help.

Reply
You are wrong to insist your nightclub lifestyle to continue when you have transformed your girlfriend into a wife, and then slam her with the double standard that you can go out but she can’t. The new-found title of your woman gives her the right to object to such things that may put the marriage in jeopardy. She is only doing what she is intuitively programmed to do — don’t lose sight of that.

You may (whether she has any intention to do so or not) reject the idea that you don’t want your wife to go partying because you don’t want her to dance and have her body touched by other men. But the reality is that you don’t want her to go for the same reasons she doesn’t want you to go. You are worried she is going to enjoy herself a little too much and end up doing something that goes against her marriage vows. We both know that people go to clubs for a little naughty-fun that sometimes borders on unfaithfulness if they are married. So I also forbid you from hitting the night spot.

Hi Sis Noe
I am 22 and have never had a girlfriend. Whenever I approach a girl I am always rejected. This has affected my social life, I sometimes think about ending my life. What must I do? — Lonely.

Reply
You are not the first man to have a string of girls turn down your proposals on the trot and you certainly won’t be the last. Have you ever asked yourself why the girls turn you down, have you examined your approach, have you redefined your outlook? If you have not done these then girls will continue shutting the door on you. You need to change not only the way you look but your attitude. Approaching a girl is one of the toughest things a man faces in the quest to get a date. The very thought of approaching a girl arises several questions such as the fear of rejection, the fear of response etc. You just never know whether the girl you are trying to approach would accept or reject you. But there is a certain way to approach a girl which ensures a positive response most of the time. Read on to find out what this way is and how you can approach a girl and get the desired response.

Make eye contact — One of the major reasons why most guys get rejected when they approach a girl is that they are not able to make perfect eye contact. Girls are always looking for confident men to approach them. Girls are very quick to catch a man’s confidence and would reject you just on the basis of your level of confidence. A slight smile — This is the best way to figure out whether the girl is interested or not and would she like to be approached. When you pass a smile at a random girl she would most probably smile back at you if she is ready to be approached. If she has a blank look on her face when you smile at her or maybe just looks away as if trying to ignore then she is not willing to be approached by you and you should avoid a possible rejection and move on to someone else. Positive body language is very important in order to approach a girl effectively and get the desired response. Most guys tend to approach girls with dropped shoulders looking all nervous. Once a girl senses that you are nervous with your approach she will most likely reject you as girls only prefer confident males, not nervous ones.

Hi Sis Noe
I am 21 and my girlfriend is 23. We really love each other with no doubt but people say she is older than me, so I can’t marry her but the truth is since 2008 we have been together without any problems. I can’t leave and I want to marry her. To me age is a number. — Confused.

Reply
Generally people have a problem with a man dating an older girl because they believe the girl is taking advantage of the “boy”. They believe that the ‘‘boy’’ is being used. But I am not for that if the age difference is not much. I don’t think two years is much so personally if you love each other keep on being in love. The age difference totally depends on a couple and their maturity levels but those not in the situation are always going to have a problem with the older-girl-younger-man issue. Men at 21 are usually immature but I will not judge you by the actions of a few. Generalising on a group based on the actions of a few is unwise. I am staying away from that logical fallacy because the best is to judge each person individually. Having an older girl is good for stability in any relationship. Just make sure to know your woman really well and know her intentions.

Hi Sis Noe
I am a girl aged18 and in love with a wonderful guy but the problem is that I have lost interest in sex and am still in love with some guy who I can say is my ex but we never broke up and I don’t know what to do. — Confused.

Reply
Damn right you should lose interest in sex because it’s meant for the married. At 18 you are already sexually active, what is wrong with you girl? Were you drunk or what? I know people will point out that it’s legal for you to sleep with a man but moral-wise it’s wrong. I am glad that you have lost interest in sex and I won’t tell you how to revive it because I am against teenagers who indulge. Do me a favour lassie, start loving yourself because no one will look after you than yourself. As for your ex, it is normal to crave for the good old past; you will get over him eventually. Give it some time.

Hi Sis Noe
She is mine and I love her whole-heartedly but the problem is her colleagues always tell me she is a bitch and I am not the only one in her life. I love her because she trusts me, controls me and always jealous of me. Can I listen to them or should I put an end to this? — Confused.

Reply
Ask her straight up, and in person (not over the phone), whether she is cheating on you or not. Watch carefully her facial expressions, whether her eyes are darting around, the words she chooses, her body language responses, fidgeting, whether she is rambling on, changing the subject, and attempts to deflect the allegations. Tell her how the whole thing makes you feel, you have been patient enough, you have a right to ask what the hell is going on. Don’t give her ultimatums or anything that will make her defensive, just give her your thoughts and let her naturally explain her side of things. If you really listen to your gut as she talks, you should know whether she is for real or not. Then act on your gut response — getting a queasy feeling and ignoring it makes the whole exercise pretty pointless. You should know that generally people who are jealous of their partners are usually the ones who are cheating on them. But play it by the ear.