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Dear Tete Joyie:
My partner’s daughter thanked me for collecting her from the commuter rank after a night out with a full-on French kiss.
Now we have sex whenever her mum is not around.
I am in a mess.
My partner is an IT project manager and often has to travel for her work.
I am 38 and she is 43.
She was away one night when her daughter phoned me asking for a lift home.
She is 21 and had been out drinking with friends. She was at the rank and there were no taxis.
When she got in the car she smiled and said, “You are a hero,” and gave me a passionate kiss.
I should have guessed that responding would turn into sex and stopped it there and then, but I didn’t.
I kissed her back and we had a romp when we got back to the house.
I know what I did was stupid, but it was mind-blowing.
The next day I could not stop thinking about her.
I felt like I was a teenager again.
We talked and decided there was no way we could tell my partner and that we had to make sure she didn’t find out.
We both agreed that we regretted what we had done.
But the next time we talked, she admitted that she had always fancied me.
She does not have a boyfriend at the moment and says she is missing male company.
I was surprised at how experienced she was in bed.
I have always thought of her as just a kid during the three years I have been with her mother.
Now I realise she is far from it. She is an experienced, sexually aware young woman.
Things in the bedroom have not been great between me and my partner recently, although I do love her.
What started as a fling with her daughter has now become a full-blown affair.
It is on my mind all day and I can’t wait for my partner to be away somewhere.
I dread my stepdaughter finding another boyfriend.
She has a busy social life and I am sure she will meet someone before long.
Tete Joyie says:
You know this affair is not leading anywhere except to a lot of anger and misery all round.
It is very wrong to encourage this young woman to keep deceiving her mother.
You might find another partner, but she can never find another mum.
Tell her you must stop having sex. Avoid her as far as possible while you know you are still feeling tempted.
Pour fresh energy into your relationship with your partner.
It will help distract you and it is what is needed for long-term happiness.
Ask her for her view on what has gone wrong sexually.
It may not be about sex.
Maybe she feels you don’t pull your weight around the home while she is away, for example.
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Struggling to part ways with lover
Dear Tete Joyie:
MY ex says we are over, but I am struggling to accept it.
I am a 55-year-old man and she is 45.
We met online and were together for three years.
She wanted to get married, but I am a divorcee, so I didn’t want to commit to somebody again.
She gave me an ultimatum, then she ended it.
But I loved her and still do.
I have tried dating again, but I can’t get over her.
I put on a brave face for my family and friends, but I am in pieces.
Tete Joyie says:
You sound so sad, but why let a bad experience in the past wreck a potentially happy future?
If you get help to understand why your relationship went wrong and how to avoid those mistakes, you could eventually get back together with the woman you love.
Let your ex know you are trying to move mountains (of misery) for her sake.
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10-year-old stepson moving in without my approval
Dear Tete Joyie:
My partner has invited his 10-year-old son to move in with us without asking me.
He and I are both divorced. We started dating and I finally gave up my job and moved in with him, far from my family and friends.
We have been together for three years now.
His son has been staying with his ex-wife.
I like him, but he normally only stays in the holidays.
Now I find out his mum has problems, so he is coming to stay with us.
My daughters are grown up and I don’t want to go through looking after a child again.
I am 48 and my partner is 45. Am I being selfish?
Tete Joyie says:
I can understand why you are fed up.
Taking on a child of 10 is a big ask and your partner should have involved you in the decision.
I guess he was scared you would say no.
Tell him he has handled this terribly, but then see if you can find it in your heart to provide a loving home to this little boy who seems to have been through a lot in his young life.
Spell it out to your partner that he has to pull his weight and not assume you are going to carry the load.
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Online Reporter