dyton mupawaenda
Fadzayi Maposah-Herald Correspondent
Many times I have been called Mai Maposah (Mrs Maposah). When called Mrs Maposah, I try and explain that I do not want to cause tension as amakhoti, varoora (my brothers’ wives) have the full ownership to that title.
I am Ms Maposah not Mrs Maposah.
Someone can be reading this and asking, seriously? So much just over one letter “r”?
For me and others in my situation, it is not an unnecessary fuss, it is just stating the point as is!
So there are some people who then understand that I want to be called Ms Maposah, the way they then call out the title, there is a lot of buzz. It comes out as Mizzzz! Maybe I am exaggerating but from where I stand that is how it comes out.
Some people put a lot of buzz in the Ms that one can only imagine the tickling sensation that it leaves on their lips!
There are some people who think that the titles are closely related to age.
As far as they are concerned these titles are determined by age and at a specific age some titles should be non-applicable or should be rendered useless.
It is what they have been socialised to think and believe. These people believe that one should be a Miss for a particular time, drop one s and replace the i with an r.
The Ms title for them is for those who are somewhere in between Miss and Mrs and could actually be too far from both Miss and Mrs!
Since there is some unsaid expiry date to some titles, one can be looked at with curious eyes when a title is raised. What is in a title?
As I always say life is lived forwards but understood backwards. When one looks back at what life has made one go through, there is clarity.
Since life is lived in real time with no pause button when some things happen, it is not that simple to break down and understand. There are a-ha moments later as one reflects on the past. Such as life which can be basically summed in three words, it goes on!
The title Ms draws some questions that may be embarrassing and uncomfortable to the holder of the title.
There can be loud outbursts regarding why one is using the title. One can be labelled difficult just because they have opted to be a Ms.
Ms is a title used before a woman’s name, much like “Miss” and “Mrs.” Unlike those terms, it does not specify whether the woman is married or unmarried. It is used as an equivalent to the masculine “Mr” to refer to a woman without defining her by her marital status.
Then of course regarding any issue there are always some people who accept others for who they are and seek not to judge them.
Then there are some people who upon hearing a child’s name automatically take that child’s surname and prefix Mrs and then address the mother of that child using that name.
For them it is just obvious that the child’s name denotes automatically the mother’s name! If one attempts to correct that, it may not always be pleasant.
In the Shona language, if one has a child, they are called by the name of the first child, my mother is Mai Fadzi. In Ndebele, she is Na Fadzi. Maybe that was one way our beloved ancestors sought to rectify this. There is also the issue of being addressed by one’s totem, Ma Ncube, Ma Sibanda, Ma Mpofu, Ma Moyo.
One’s title can either lead to an open door or close one’s door. The National Family Planning register has marital status as one of the indicators. Marital status is not only recorded in the family planning register but in so many other health registers. Banks even ask for it!
A long time ago, some health service providers at an ante-natal clinic first visit would ask loudly for one’s husband.
It was assumed that for one to be at that clinic, one had to be a Mrs, married. The respondent would whisper in some cases that they were not married.
Then the health service provider would ask as if she/he did not know that pregnancy was not determined by marital: “Unorevei kuti hauna murume, iwe wauya kuzonyoresa kuskero?” ( What do you mean, you are not married when you have come to an antenatal clinic?)
Suffice to say that there would be uncomfortable moments for the client. Mind you back then this may have been on a clinic verandah and with benches full of other waiting clients who would then hear one’s story.
It would be a long day as one when went through various tests and procedure rooms having to put up with fellow clients who knew a story that could have been kept quiet.
As a country we have moved in the right direction, there are protection measures for the clients, one is treated with dignity and privacy is taken seriously.
Now the health service provider will ask for a next of kin, and ask how one is related to them.
Marital status is asked for in a manner that is not demeaning. The reason why it is recorded is so that it can be assessed whether marital status may have a bearing on health services uptake so that appropriate programmes and activities can be initiated.
Some clients without appropriate information lie about their marital status.
For example, there is a misconception that contraceptives are for married women.
Someone who is widowed may lie because they are not up to explaining why they are on a contraceptive. There is also fear of a backlash from society and one can access services Nicodemously.
Violence has many facets. Asking some questions can violate a person’s rights. For example, “Why are you at a family planning clinic when you are a widow?” Leave such questions to the health service provider. Do not judge clients at facilities, you do not know the full story!
Never let a title cloud your judgement.
Online Reporter