Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
HAPPY New Year dear reader.
How is it looking for you?
I imagine as we savour the first days of 2026, many individuals are reflecting on their lives and relationships — what has worked, what has hurt, and what needs healing.
One of the most common stumbling blocks in marriages and relationships is the way we handle offence and how it weakens relationships. Too often, a quick and begrudging “sorry” is offered as a bandage over deep wounds. But the truth is, sorry does not cut it – repentance does.
The difference between ‘sorry’ and repentance
A simple ‘sorry’ can feel dismissive when it is not backed by genuine remorse or change. It may soothe the conscience of the offender but rarely heals the heart of the offended. Repentance, on the other hand, is a biblical principle that goes beyond words. It is about acknowledging the truth and ugliness of one’s actions, taking responsibility, and committing to change.
Scripture reminds us in 2 Corinthians 7:10: “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” A shallow apology is worldly sorrow -it seeks relief without transformation, or “kungoti zvipere”. Godly sorrow, however, is felt within oneself first, and produces repentance,an actual turnaround that restores relationships and honours God.
How men and women forgive — or hold on
I heard one speaker say (video link available), that women have a tendency to forgive themselves immediately and want their wrong doing to be dismissed quickly, but when their partner has messed up, they bring it up again and again.” Is this true ladies? What of men themselves, forgiveness yakamira sei ikoko? The speaker had quite a teaching worth hearing, on the issue of apology versus repentance. “This is where we miss it”, he continued. “We feel like if we’ve apologised, we have repented… Apology is not repentance. Sorry doesn’t cut it, repentance cuts it.”
In reality, forgiveness is not always easy, many people will confirm. Ultimately, both genders wrestle with the temptation to hold on to pain- though differently- sometimes using it as a shield against future hurt. Some will even unwittingly allow that hurt to define how they handle love,or any future relationships.
Couples should also pay attention to each other and have some sensitivity. If your partner does not like something, such as bad jokes at their expense, do not force it down their throat. This new year might be time to stop doing things that you know very well offend your partner, if you are interested at all in building a strong, lasting relationship or union.
Views and faith might differ, but I love how Jesus teaches in Matthew 6:14–15: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Here forgiveness is not optional – it is commanded. But forgiveness should not be rushed or coerced to the point that one ends up just claiming to have forgiven,when in actual fact,they are still burning with anger or hurt. The offender must give their partner space to process pain, while the offended must resist the urge to weaponise unforgiveness. Zvine ka ‘team work’ mukati. When tempers have cooled down, consider having a sit-down,to talk calmly about how each person is impacted by the situation.
Role of self-forgiveness
Repentance is not only about seeking forgiveness from one’s partner-it also involves self-forgiveness. But self-forgiveness should not be rushed into either. To forgive oneself without truly repenting is to excuse sin rather than confront it. True self-forgiveness comes after one has faced the ugliness of their actions, confessed them before God, and committed to change.
1 John 1:9 assures us: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Self-forgiveness flows from God’s forgiveness, which is accessed through confession and repentance.
Takeaways for the offender
-Acknowledge fully: Admit the wrong without excuses or minimising. Some people have the tendency to say things like “what’s the big deal?”, when a partner is clearly upset.
— Repent sincerely: Commit to change, not just words.Desist from taking advantage of the forgiveness or forgiving nature of a loved one.
— Give space: Allow your partner time to process and heal kwete kuzoti uchakatsamwa nazvino?? Let them process it.
— Seek God’s help: Pray earnestly for strength and wisdom to overcome any weakness that may be causing conflict; and strength to transform your behaviour.
Takeaways for the offended
—Listen openly, and with wisdom: Hear the apology, but also look for repentance.
—Forgive ‘wisely’: Release all bitterness, but perhaps do not rush to brush aside or entirely forget what has happened. Take heed of the lesson.
—Set boundaries: Communicate honestly, clearly and firmly what needs to change.
—Pray for grace: Legit.Ask God to work on your heart and guide your healing process without weaponising unforgiveness.
Final word
In this new year, the call is clear: move beyond shallow apologies, be sincere – and quit holding on to grudges or offence. Build relationships rooted in truth, repentance, and the grace of forgiveness. This may fill your life together with joy, intimacy, and fulfilment. Forgiveness is a gift, but repentance is the key that unlocks it.
I would love to hear your views on this topic. How have you experienced the difference between “sorry” and true repentance in your relationship? Your voice matters in this ongoing conversation.
Quick reminder: Do tune in to the podcast spin-off of this column, Love Unscripted, with some initial episodes already available on www.heraldonline.co.zw. Together, let us build marriages and relationships that honour God and bring joy into our homes.
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