Andrew
Changing Perspectives
Rutendo Gwatidzo
ABUSE can really change somebody’s life negatively. It ranges from physical, verbal, mental, cultural, financial, sexual or even self-neglect abuse, just to mention some of the most common types of abuse.
In most cases, people think of sexual and physical abuse only when we talk of abuse yet it goes beyond that hence everyone should be on alert to stop the abuse.
For instance, verbal abuse has been simplified to a point where it almost means nothing, especially in the African culture.
Somebody can just speak recklessly towards someone and it will be taken lightly yet the effects can be very impactful.
Many people assume that a few unpleasant words will not hurt or cost someone.
Yes, harsh words do not break bones but they may break the heart.
A significant number of people suffer abuse and they suffer alone silently.
Overcoming abuse may not happen overnight.
It may require taking baby steps which are positive steps daily and if you are one of those suffering abuse in one way or the other, be encouraged to begin your positive steps out of abuse today.
The biggest abuse happens when people are not able to communicate about it and keeping silent about it will not stop abuse from happening. The sooner you find someone to tell about it the better and quicker chances you have to get help.
Real encounter!
Abuse distorts reality of things and it keeps one as a prisoner. When I decided to write about abuse, I had recently come across somebody who found me to be her safe place to go.
She broke down as she shared her story. “I used to be happy, confident and energetic.
I had plans, dreams, goals and a vision to pursue.
Suddenly I lost all hope, I feel worthless, I am always tired and I sleep a lot. I don’t know what I want and I get confused most of the time. Sometimes I even forget whether I bathed or not, whether I ate or not.
I find it hard to tell whether I am coming or going. I lost interest in people and in things. I get bored even with my children often times.
I used to enjoy travelling, meeting new people and shopping but now people annoy me almost all the time.
Sometimes I get very scared but sometimes I am just fearless to the extent of wanting to attack even the strongest man.
I want to be alone most of the time. What is wrong with me, will I ever be okay?’
Before I responded, I broke down and we cried together.
She went on to share how she carries so much anger, hatred and bitterness and she was at a point of wanting to take away her life. Why cause someone to live a nightmare life?
I wondered. I really think that the moment you find yourself not able to live peacefully with someone just leave that person alone and pursue your own life. Walking away from something unhealthy is brave even of you stumble a little on your way out, it is better than losing yourself.
Sadly, an abused person can spend years thinking that he/she is worthless. I believe that any relationship whereby one party stays in control through reducing and labelling the other, mocking and making unpleasant fun towards another should be abandoned.
It is better to leave such relationships without thinking twice. Healthy relationships should not drag another down; they should inspire another to become a better person.
This applies to all kinds of relationships. It can be spouse, work, school, neighbour, family or church relationships just to mention a few.
Why would a healthy relationship make you feel ugly, stupid, and belittle you, like you will not amount to anything?
What kind of a spouse, teacher, sibling, neighbour, pastor, boss or friend does that? If you find yourself in the abusive or abused bracket, it’s time to begin to address certain things in order to live your full potential.
The prisoner!
Imagine this, if you are the abused, you live like a prisoner, confined and you are so limited.
On the other hand, if you are the abuser, you still live confined like a prisoner and you are limited in that often times you are worrying if the abused will speak out. Sadly, at the end of the day, both parties are limited.
It’s time to stop the abuse guys and unleash your full potential.
No one deserves to be treated like trash especially by people who are supposed to give love.
If the relationship causes you to lose everything like your dreams, confidence, job or your friends then you can as well lose that relationship.
Do not scream silently and suffer silently lest you die silently, speak out and get help. Sometimes, it is better to break your life leaving an abusive relationship than to break your life after all is said and done. If you survived the abuse, you can as well survive the recovery.
The lady I had a chat with that I mentioned above closed her story by saying this, “when I was a child I was so scared of ghosts but now that I have grown up, I realise that I live with the ghost in my house.”
Call to action!
Kindly consider stopping being a ghost to somebody if you have been and kindly consider speaking to someone if you are the victim.
To the mediators, I encourage you to be wise as you deal with abuse issues, the aim is to build and not to destroy. If you can’t handle certain things, allow those who can to do so.
Together let us build better communities, better societies and better relationships all around to unleash our full potential for the betterment of our lives and that of generations to come. Bit-by-bit let us make the positive difference.
Rutendo Gwatidzo is an entrepreneur into corporate wear and interior designs. She is also an author of the book Born to Fight, Speaker, Mentor and HR Consultant. Her strategic strengths come from the ability to see things differently to make a difference. Contact detail — 0714575805/ [email protected] / Rutendo Gwatidzo official fb public page.
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