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Vaidah Mashangwa
IT is a very unfortunate event that Cecilia Gurwe beat her 15-year-old daughter to death in the name of discipline. This is a sad story really and the pain she is going through must be difficult to bear. Methods of disciplining children have been transmitted from one generation to the other without much reasoning about the consequences of the methods used .It is unfortunate that our Zimbabwean society has struggled to replace traditional ways in child training with scientific wisdom. Progress though has been made as corporal punishment in schools is a thing of the past.
Even in terms of corporal punishment different social classes view the banning of corporal punishment with differing degrees of acceptance or rejection. Some parents still believe that if the old methods of disciplining children worked for them why can’t they work for this new generation. It is also unfortunate that the art of disciplining children is usually left to the mother and anything bad be it failure at school or pregnancy is seen as a failure on the part of the mother to discipline the child by the father and relatives.
While Cecilia Gurwe may be blamed for her action especially considering the fact that she used a sjambok, it is common knowledge that all parents want their children to be well mannered so that they function properly in social relations and work situations in future. Parents want children who know the moral rules and practice the sexual impulsive restraints correctly so that they become dependable community members and eventually good marriageable partners.
However, in respect of dating age, parents should understand that dating now begins early for both boys and girls due to technology and early puberty some cases. For most people dating starts when they are 14 years. The average age at which about 3,189 college students reported having had their first date was 14,3 years for boys and 14,2 for girls. In Zimbabwe this translates that both boys and girls will be in Form Two on average. Unlike the girls, the boys may wait till they are 16 years or older. Since they also tend to marry later in life than girls they tend to have a longer dating period.
At this age the children might not even exhibit any signs of courtship or dating but most of them date at that early age. In actual fact 20 percent of children date while they are in Form Two to Four, 95 percent date while they are in Upper Sixth and 95 percent too at college.
There are quite a great variety of rearing methods across the globe. The Malawians, Zimbabweans, Germans and the Frenchmen all bring up their children differently. A child brought up by Malawians might not behave in the same manner as a Zimbabwean. The result or end product might be stern unaffectionate child or an overly disciplined military type or an affectionate people-loving child. In Zimbabwe in some instances a visitor will get the impression that a child is a young adult from the beginning and the parents expect the child to carry over such behaviour to adulthood. Any deviant behaviour from the norm brings shame to the parents and relatives.
By beating the child Cecilia Gurwe might have also taken into consideration the fact that it was at night and a child by that time is expected to be indoors maybe even studying. It is important to note that personality is a continuous and never-ending process, it goes on throughout childhood, past the teen years into adulthood. Maybe Gurwe was supposed to discuss with the child the negative consequences of her actions showing love and affection. Children just want to feel loved, accepted, appreciated and want to be looked upon with respect as individuals. This helps them portray a positive image of themselves and they will aim to behave positively.
Parents should strive to being teachers and caregivers of their children .Due to the fact that there is no formal training on parenthood, parenting is left to trial and error in some cases. There are frequent occasions when the child’s behaviour seems to be out of control and might need counselling without going out of the way. Michael Jackson is a good example of an adult who condemned his upbringing in the strongest terms and this brought a rift between his father and himself.
Parents are the ones who make a child feel he is good or bad, accepted or rejected or that the world is hostile or friendly. Parents should accept that each child is a different individual with his or her own distinct problem of growing up and making adjustments in life. Beating up children is not the best corrective measure to a child’s disobedient nature. The adjustments may not even follow the order the parents envisage and these may be achieved through much pain and anxiety on the part of the parents. One psychiatrist pointed out that all children have their own difficulties and can be quite troublesome. The best medicine is to find the correct strategy to deal with each individual child.
As children acquire grow up through experience they will automatically change their behaviour .Time usually cures many of their problem. Many mistakes of the past can be corrected and many wounds that parents may suffer during the early years of a child’s development may be healed later in life. There is great need to be patient with the children and to use the best corrective measures in terms of shaping the behaviour of a child.
Vaidah Mashangwa is the Provincial Development Officer in Ministry of Women Affairs, Gender and Community Development, Bulawayo. She can be contacted on 0772111592 or email [email protected]
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