admin“DO that again,” my friend fumed, “and I will scold you so much that you will feel as embarrassed as a pastor caught at a brothel with his pants down.” The two of us were walking away from the meeting room.
“What sin have I committed?’ I asked.
“How dare you ask me to pray at a meeting without first warning me? You and I were together for a whole hour before the meeting but at no time did you hint that you would ask me to give the opening prayer.”
I shrugged. “I thought opening prayers were pretty standard and, therefore, saw no need to . . .”
“Pretty standard! Following your ambush, I had to quickly spit out my chewing gum while mentally composing an appropriate prayer for the occasion. As I prayed, I could feel that the words were not coming out right. I felt all eyes rebuking me for the unacceptable way I was praying. Praying is communicating with God. One needs time to prepare for such an important duty.”
My friend’s views reminded me of the quip by writer Mark Twain: “It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare for a good impromptu speech.”
This set me thinking. How much time does one need to prepare for a good prayer?
Perhaps times have changed. Forty years back, praying was a routine activity carried out with ease. For instance at the boarding school I went to, when praying before a meal one line was adequate: “For the food before us, we thank Thee — Amen.” The missionary principal who used to have lunch with us did not seem to mind the brevity.
At home, we breezed through evening prayers without a single yawn. All that one needed was to pray for members of the extended family to be well and for all of us to be obedient. We then rounded up the prayer and went to bed. Actually, we slept on the floor!
At church, praying was not a time-consuming activity. A thought for patients in hospitals and for prison inmates placed one on the home stretch to the prayer finish line.
No demands were made on the manner the prayer was delivered. A soft, flat voice delivered from a still position was considered good enough for God. The pastor reminded us that God knew in advance everything we wanted to ask for and thus there was no need to labour our points.
Not so nowadays. Prayers are long and have been elevated to an art form. When praying, one is expected to have a clear, loud and expressive voice — a voice blessed with several octaves to capture a wide range of emotions such as sorrow, joy, anger, reverence and excitement.
Acting skills are now required to perform this duty. Appropriate gestures and expressions must be used. Yes, you are expected to pray and perform so well that after watching you the celebrated imbongi, Albert Nyathi would sit up and nod his head in appreciation — “ya, uyayitshaya into yakho.”
Gone are the days of praying in an African language. A strange development considering that we now rule ourselves. English has become the language of prayer. The American accent is preferred. For the uninitiated, with this accent, God is pronounced as Gad.
If you must pray in Ndebele, do not use those plain Nkayi or Gwanda accents. Go for the Zulu one, spiced with Xhosa words and expressions. With Shona, kill that strong rural accent and lace your rendition with words like “inspiration, perseverance, awesome and deliverance.”
Prayer content must be above mediocrity. If a conscientious businessman gunning for a major contact can present a well argued pitch, what about you, child of God? You are expected to excel.
When praying before a meal, you must first praise those who prepared and served the food. Follow this up with a rundown of all the nutrients in the food. You then explain how these nutrients will nourish the bodies they are going into. Urge the resultant healthy bodies to serve the Lord. Climax the prayer with a plea that God meets at their points of need all those who will eat the food.
Prayers are also an opportunity to display one’s knowledge of the Bible. Like a lawyer citing legal precedents, you must cite Bible stories to justify why your prayers should be answered. The Bible is full of stories in which the situation was hopeless but in the end good triumphed over evil. Retell these stories and show how they are relevant to modern life. Come to think of it, the line between a prayer and a sermon has become very fine.
Conclude the prayer with words like: as you promised us, mighty Father God, anything I ask in the name of the glorious and praiseworthy Lion of Judah, Jesus Christ, you will give. I rest my prayer.
I thought about these things as my friend and I walked away from the meeting room. “You are right,” I admitted, “next time I will give you three weeks’ notice before asking you to pray.”
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Bongani Ndlovu
Online Reporter