Online Reporter
Gabriel Manyeruke
ACROSS Zimbabwe, parents are making extraordinary sacrifices for their children.
They work long hours, stretch limited incomes and forgo personal comforts in the hope of securing a better future for the next generation. Yet a troubling question remains: What if some of the practices adopted out of love are producing the very outcomes parents fear most?
I recently met a learner who had excelled throughout school. His parents monitored every assignment, solved every problem and carefully directed every major decision.
On paper, he was a success story. Yet when faced with challenges at university, he struggled to cope independently. Having always been guided, he had never truly learnt how to guide himself. His experience reflects a growing dilemma in modern parenting.
In an increasingly uncertain world, many parents find themselves caught between two extremes: controlling too much or letting go too little.
When discipline becomes fear
Many adults were raised in homes where questioning parental authority was unthinkable. Discipline was strict, expectations were clear and obedience was valued above all else.
While such parenting often produced respectful children, it sometimes came at a cost.
Children who obey solely out of fear may never develop the self-discipline required to make sound decisions on their own.
Rules imposed without explanation teach compliance rather than understanding.
Discipline remains essential, but its purpose should be to develop judgement, not simply demand obedience.
Modern parents face pressures unknown to previous generations. Concerns about safety, academic competition and economic uncertainty have encouraged many to shield their children from failure and disappointment. Yet resilience cannot be taught through protection alone; it is developed through experience.
A child who never faces consequences, solves problems independently or recovers from setbacks may reach adulthood lacking the confidence to navigate life’s inevitable challenges. Sometimes the greatest lesson a parent can teach is that failure is not the opposite of success — it is part of the journey towards it.
The pressure to be perfect
The rise of social media has intensified another parenting mistake: the pursuit of perfection. Every day, families are exposed to carefully curated images of achievement, creating the impression that every child must excel academically, socially and athletically.
In many homes, comparisons have become routine. Learners are measured against siblings, classmates or unrealistic ideals. Yet comparison rarely inspires excellence. More often, it breeds anxiety, resentment and self-doubt.
Children flourish when encouraged to become the best versions of themselves, not copies of someone else.
Screens and silent conversations
Technology has transformed family life.
While digital devices provide access to information and opportunity, they have also become a source of growing concern. In some households, meaningful conversations are increasingly replaced by scrolling, swiping and screen time.
Parents and children may share the same room while inhabiting entirely different worlds. When communication weakens, emotional connections often weaken as well.
Children need more than material provision; they need attention, guidance and a sense of belonging. Perhaps the greatest parenting mistake is believing that successful parenting lies at either extreme. Children need boundaries, but they also need freedom. They need protection, but they must be allowed to struggle.
They need guidance, but they must learn to think for themselves.
As society prepares young people for an unpredictable future, the goal should not be to raise children who are merely obedient or accomplished. It should be to raise individuals who are resilient, responsible and emotionally secure. After all, the true measure of parenting is not how well children follow instructions when adults are watching, but how wisely they navigate life when no one is there to tell them what to do.
Gabriel Manyeruke is an author and educator at Wise Owl High School in Marondera. Feedback: [email protected]
