dyton mupawaenda
Life tips from Charles Mushinga
We are born and we shall die.
Of these occurrences we have no control. But most of what happens in-between is under our control.
Of course there is a period when we are too young to talk, walk or make choices and a period when we are too old or sick to make decisions, but the majority of our days on earth are filled with choices.
Sadly, a lot of young people are either too stuck in the past or too worried about the future that they forget to enjoy the present.
There are many adults today who regret how they spent their youths because when they were young they were busy trying to act grown up.
If you do them at the wrong time, even good things will feel like the worst decisions of your life and can even get you into trouble.
Take love and dating for example; there is probably no emotion stronger than love and if the desire of one’s heart agrees to have a relationship with you, there is no greater happiness under the sun. However, like everything that we learn from, love needs patience.
As you grow up, especially when you reach puberty, you will realise that you develop feelings of attraction for several members of the opposite sex.
Sometimes it’s just one classmate and you wish and fantasize about being in a relationship with her.
While everything in your body tells you to ask her out the best question to ask yourself is “then what?”
What are the chances that when she is ready for marriage you will be as well?
What are the chances that she will still be the girl you want when you are ready for marriage if she decides to wait for you?
The sad reality is most ladies are married by men much older than them. In Zimbabwe, a 2011 report showed that the average woman gets married as young as 19 years and usually to a man 25 years old or older.
This is a fact about most African marriages. Research has shown that large age gaps are especially common in sub-Saharan Africa, including in Gambia (14.5 years between men and their wives or partners), Guinea (13.5) and Mali (12.9).
So if girls are usually married by the age of 20, what are the chances you will be ready for marriage when she turns 20? Women can enter into marriage while still studying and can find careers during marriage, usually with assistance of their husbands.
The boy child cannot afford that luxury. Marriage begins with the man paying lobola which is usually thousands of US dollars and cattle in Zimbabwe. So there is need for one to have a career that can afford you to make some savings to marry a girl.
That usually takes time as university or college education usually ends around the age of 23.
After that there is a period of seeking for employment and then settling in the job before one can make any savings for marriage. This usually sees most men marry as late as age 28-30.
Meanwhile girls do not have all these responsibilities and usually find richer men attractive in their late teens and they get married around age 20.
So it is important for the boy child to ask themselves when they will be ready for marriage. A look at the age differences of your parents can help you. If your parents have an age difference of eight years it means when your father was 18 years old, your mother was only 10 and not even close to dating.
So whoever your father had feelings for when he was 18 is not the woman he would marry and he had to wait. The boys that wait will realise during puberty years almost every year they are attracted to a different girl, sometimes several in one year.
Most of the times the attraction is only based on physical appearance but the reality is a good marriage is based on more than just physical attraction.
Factors like character, culture, religion are more important and it is best for young people to wait until they understand these facets to life before they start dating. Dating early is even more disastrous for the girl child.
When you are young, you are easily coerced into sex and that results in early marriage which has ruined many young girls’ lives.
The fact that the average age of marriage for girls is 19.9 means a lot of girls are forced into marriage before they are even 18.
Usually they fall pregnant and that forces them into marriage.
The sad thing about marrying young for girls is they have no career or any means of earning an income and this leaves them vulnerable to abuse by their husbands.
Once a woman has a child and doesn’t go to work they are stuck in marriages where the man does not respect them and even abuses them knowing they have nowhere to go.
So it is even more important for the girl child to wait before dating and to start a career before marriage.
There is a time for everything.
A time to study and a time to date.
There is a time to start a career and a time for relationships.
There is a time to wed and a time to have children.
Always ask yourself which phase you are in.
Sit down and plan your life.
Write it down what you want to be doing at age 18, then at 23, then at 25, 30 and so on…
Stick to that plan and pray for it.
It is usually young people that are focused enough to stay disciplined and wait to do things at the right time that succeed in life and live happy lives.
Feedback- Charles Mushinga on Facebook or [email protected]
Online Reporter