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Beatrice Tonhodzai-Ngondo Make A Difference
JUST what has gone wrong with our relationships? There is not a day that goes by without hearing of domestic violence or fighting between couples as some might want to call it.
When I say fighting, I am not talking about normal disagreements or differences in opinion that is accustomed in any adult relationship.
Today my focus is on domestic violence, a cancer that has enshrined its roots in our society; which is a real shame.
If it is not a man running over his wife with a car or murdering her because his meat has been eaten by the dog, then it is a woman biting off her husband’s skin in a fit of rage or it is one of them taking their own life after realising that they would have taken things too far and killed their partner.
Many people have lost their lives this year due to domestic disputes. I have seen enough reports to conclude that there is a problem and a big one really, which needs to be addressed.
I was following a discussion on one of the social networking platforms among women only from across the world. One had posted an image of a young woman with a bloodied, swollen face and slit eyes. She was reported to have been beaten by her husband who suspected her of cheating. The women discussed the matter at length, talking of the demerits of cheating on both the man and woman’s side but at the end, the consensus was that no act justifies violence and that when a relationship becomes this bad, to the extent of people battering each, there is truly no point in holding on.
Barely a day after I participated in this discussion, a caller came through during our radio show on Star FM’s “Lets Do Brunch”, saying she is seven months pregnant and is being beaten by her husband. She said she was going to leave everything in God’s hands because God loves her.
To say I was shocked is an understatement, it was on this day that it finally dawned on me that there is real work to be done by the community, church and couples themselves before we can rid ourselves of violence in the domestic sphere.
Growing up, we were taught that home is the haven that keeps one safe and protected. But today, some homes have turned into battlefields. Looking at the case of the pregnant woman, who in their right mind does not understand that a pregnant woman is in a delicate condition and that any upset can hurt her and her unborn child?
So when the man who has sworn to love and to honour the woman, the father of the unborn child, turns into the monster that wants to harm the child, what is really going on?
To add salt to insult, we received some calls during the show from some men, one of whom said he was not happy that we keep talking about men abusing women and do not talk about men getting abused.
But I am sure we all know that what drives most interventions are figures and statistics. Even the police have called on couples to solve issues through dialogue and to desist from violence because they are alarmed by the high rate of murders and abuse where mostly women are the victims.
That is why today I’m focusing on women.
Another caller said women like me, fellow presenter Tariro and the guest we had with us in the studio, a lawyer from a women’s organisation, should stop trying to break up people’s homes while ours were intact. One person sent in a message which read; “You women have to be ruled. If you don’t want domestic violence accept to be ruled.
Who says that?
Without being emotional, I tend to agree with Judith Dembetembe Chiyangwa of the Girls Legacy, who wrote on Facebook after the show that; “I was listening and got depressed.”
As several experts around these issues have said; “There is a problem in our attitudes as a society and it is high time we address them by raising our boy and girl children in a way where they will learn that violence is not acceptable no matter what.”
If you look at some of the comments people make when a woman has been battered you will begin to appreciate the gravity of the problem. Even in our own families, sometimes we want to ask why our sisters-in-law would have been beaten.
For most of us they would have done something to warrant the beating. When we do that, are we saying there are certain actions that make it alright for one to be beaten to a pulp or to death?
How many children must bear the brunt because their parents failed to walk away or resolve things?
Are we doing the children a favour by staying on in abusive relationships?
Nyari Mashayamombe of Tag a Life International, who works with young girls says while there may be no hope on adults, there is hope in the young people if they are taught the right thing, which is to abhor violence at all levels and to love oneself enough to remove themselves from harmful situations.
But shall we give up on our generation? Are we all saying this blood and gore has become part of us? When did the fist replace the rose or the kiss?
If there is no more love, why are we holding on to hurtful things?
Someone said it is the way we are socialised that allows women to stay on in abusive unions because divorce should never be instigated by a properly raised woman.
But do we, as a society, accept a properly raised man who hits a woman and rapes girls?
What is proper about that?
I want to defy the notion of love having to hurt to work. Seriously, once one is putting all their strength into hitting, shouting, shoving a partner, how can they claim to love that person?
This goes for both women and men because recently there was also a report about a woman who bit her husband’s sexual organ.
Let’s talk about our problems in our unions. If we are to call it quits, let us do so but just in a violent manner.
Online Reporter