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Parents kicking me out
I am a 23-year-old man who is turning 24 soon. I am in a serious predicament. I loaned my parents some money and when I asked for it back they got mad. They said I was ungrateful and that I have been living rent free and without paying for food for all this time. Now, they are saying I must move out. I wanted my money so I could re-inject it into the business. I am self-employed. My question is ndiko kurumurwa kwacho here uku? I am really hurt and disappointed in them. What do you suggest I do going forward?
Response
My problem with most writers is that when they give me their stories, they do not give me the full scoop. In some instances, I end up assuming or having to guess. When I give advice I try as much as possible to hit the nail on the head. I need full information. In this communication, you did not elaborate whether the business you are talking about is a personal one or a family project.
Your parents were not amused when you asked them to pay back the money you had taken from the business to facilitate the loan. I conclude that they are part and parcel of this.
Maybe they feel you have no right to ask them if it is theirs too.
At your age, I think your parents are right to advise you to look for your own space where you can do what you please.
The only problem is that it is the wrong time for them to ask you to do so when they are angry or when you have fights. You are a major, you are duty bound to contribute towards the home provisions. You cannot just be a free loader. From my view, what is lacking in your family is good communication. You need to sit down and discuss these talking points in a friendly manner and come up with constructive solutions.
You have what it takes, there is no need for you to go and live on the streets. Just be man enough, you cannot run away from life. If you cannot talk to your parents directly, the tetes and mbuyas in your family can be good peace brokers. I would be happy to hear from you again. I wish you all the best.
I’m feeling pressured
I am a 22-year-old woman and I have been seeing a 25-year-old man. That is not the crazy part. This guy is married and at the same time he is pursuing me.
He claims his wife is very ill and has had a number of operations and miscarriages, rendering her semi-disabled.
He claims she is no longer able to be intimate with him and he is seeking this intimacy from me. They have one daughter together. We have been to premarital counselling. I tried breaking up with him, but he cried and I could not go through with it. I do not believe in sex before marriage and I find this tale very bizarre. I have never heard of such a condition.
To make matters worse, he is saying he wants to marry me now. He even insisted I should meet his wife and see for myself. I am so confused. Please help.
Response
At times, I find it very difficult to believe some stories that I receive for this column. Your story sounds like a West African movie plot. I dread to think that a 22-year-old woman believes such nonsense.
One of the main factors of any sound marriage is companionship, love and respect. Things like intimacy and children are extra bonuses from His Almighty.
In other circumstances, it is not unheard of for a spouse taking to the altar whilst he or she is wheelchair bound. This can only be possible if love is the guiding principle.
The guy you are talking about wants to dump his wife and the mother of his daughter because he can no longer be intimate with her.
I am guessing also because she can never carry out the house chores. This is very unfortunate. Oh God forbid! He has forgotten one of his vows that stated that he would stick by her in sickness and in health. You are a fellow woman and you are hurting this other lady even more by dating her husband. Your reason for dating this guy does not hold water at all, kuti akachema saka ndochii ichocho?
Wake up and smell the coffee.
Remember the law of karma; what goes around comes around. Are you prepared to be dumped by this guy in the future in the same manner should you ever fall ill?
My sixth sense tells me that this guy wants to take advantage of you and disturb your education.
What is the purpose of going for premarital counselling with a married man?
Why does he keep moving the goal posts about issues that you will have agreed upon? I have asked several questions please answer them honestly and make an informed decision. Hope to hear from you soon.
Tired of hiding my relationship
I am dating a young woman and we are so in love. She stays with her grandmother and we have been keeping our relationship a secret from her. At that same house, she also resides with two of her aunts, her mother’s younger sisters. These women are twins. I get along with one of them so well.
I am thinking of telling gogo who I am really dating. Since I am cordial with one of her maininis she already assumes that is the member of the family I am interested in. How can I make things right and be free once and for all?
Response
You seem so confused, I just cannot make head from tail. Surely there must be more to this. You did not mention basic things like your age, job and other preferences to help me tally if you and this young girl are truly compatible for each other.
Why are you hiding your relationship from gogo? I hope you are not dating an underage girl. I know you are not dating one of the twins, but why would gogo take offense? Your fear makes me assume you are a young guy. What makes you feel guilty about being in love with her granddaughter? Do you have a history that may compromise your chances of being accepted into this family? If you have nothing to hide, set yourself free and come out of hiding. At some point, it is bound to come out. Rina manyanga hariputirwe.
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