Tough love and parenting

what point does providing for your children and acquiescing to their many indulgences cross the line to what may be termed spoiling them?
Of late I have noted with concern particularly with the young generation of parents that they seem to have missed the point. Just last week, after knocking off from church I dashed by a coffee shop in Avondale from where I had ordered a birthday cake for my little girl who had just turned four and what I saw shocked me.
There was a young girl barely out of her diapers, her mother in tow and the youngster seemed to be giving her mother a torrid time as evidenced by the mother’s sunken face and the toddler’s intermittent tantrums. Naturally I was inclined to ask the mother what was the issue, she responded that her daughter was demanding she buy her everything they came across and was typically being a nuisance.
Being one from the old school of parenting I was quick to tell the toddler that if she continued her antics I was going to give her a taste of the belt treatment. The toddler stood there frozen in shock at my words and suddenly jolted compliance.
“Thank you auntie,” is all the mother could say.
As the two walked away it dawned on me that the mother had never disciplined her child through that manner. I am not advocating that one batter their kids day in day out as this is just abuse but one should always bear in mind the saying that goes “spare the rod and spoil the child.”
Very often I have visited households where it appears the child and not the parents is the head of the household as the parents appear unable to exert any sort of control on the youngsters.
One Guide to Parenting book I came across even suggested a “hands off” approach and a dialogue approach with one’s toddlers.
What I found somewhat disturbing was how this approach of effectively reasoning with one’s toddler was to be achieved, bearing in mind that more often than not these tiny tots cannot tell their right hand from their left.
The bigger picture some parents seem to miss is that the reasoning behind punishing one’s child is not aimlessly bashing your child but a well thought out and loving plan of instilling values in one’s offspring.
In the process of instilling values in your child the youngster should be aware that certain actions will have adverse consequences just as breaking the law does. All this is necessary in order to mould your child into an upright member of society. On the flip side, in as much as it is plausible to have a healthy relationship with one’s children it remains imperative to maintain the line between parent and child.
This is because once the line is blurred, it then becomes extremely difficult to give direction or instill values into the child, because to them, you are now equals.
A typical example would be that of Hollywood Star Lindsay Lohan’s errant behaviour which over the years has virtually all but ruined her acting career.
She was constantly seen on day to day hard drinking binges and involved drug use scandals most times with “her sworn best friend” who shockingly was her mother. It was obviously going to be very difficult to bring Lindsay back on the straight and narrow, because the most influential source of parenting she had received from her mother since her teens was very questionable.
A parent’s influence on a child is very strong which is why many a time you hear a toddler saying: “My mother does not allow me to do that,” and in Lindsay’s case her mother’s maternal influence has turned out to be venomous. Parental influence should be directed towards a child’s studies.