Online Reporter
This week Bra Binzy deals with love that lied in a Mercedes, pregnancy without a surname, and a relationship drowning in prophets, potions and paranoia. Three letters, three headaches, and one reminder that desire without sense is a fast bus to trouble.
MERCEDES PROMISES, ENTUMBANE TRUTHS
Dear Bra Binzy
I have dated an evil and selfish man. The worst of the species.
I met him in 2015 when I was doing A-level. I dumped my childhood sweetheart for him. He came to school in a Mercedes Benz or a Ford Ranger. He showed me pictures of a beautiful house in Hillside. He bought me presents. I gave him my virginity and fell pregnant.
That is when his true colours came out. My mother sacrificed everything for me. She begged me never to be a single parent like her. When I fell pregnant it broke her heart.
When we went to report the pregnancy at his house, we discovered he was just a gardener and chauffeur who had been fired. We were sent to his one-room in Entumbane. On the way some boys we had asked for directions said: “ah lawe ukumithisile uMsiphora?” I nearly died. Two other girls had already been there after he impregnated them.
My mother later suffered a stroke and never fully recovered. The man ran to South Africa. Every time I look at his son, I feel rage. I want revenge. I want him to suffer. Help me find a sangoma to destroy him.
– Anonymous, Bulawayo
Bra Binzy replies
Eish sisi . . . let me slow you down before you burn your own house trying to light his. What that man did was wicked. He sold you dreams with borrowed cars and Google photos. That pain is real. Your anger is justified. But hear me clearly. Revenge medicine will poison you first.
That boy you look at and feel rage toward is innocent.
He did not drive the Mercedes. He did not lie about Hillside. He did not flee to Jozi. He is carrying your blood and your mother’s prayers.
If you go hunting sangomas, you will end up chained to bitterness forever. The man already destroyed enough. Do not let him take your soul as well. Justice is not witchcraft.
Justice is survival. Justice is raising that child better than his father ever was. Justice is living loudly while he hides.
Heal first. Get counselling. Get support. If he resurfaces, pursue legal child maintenance. That hurts men like him more than potions. And please, stop transferring his sins onto the child. That child is not a curse. He is proof you survived.
THE NIGHT WITHOUT A NAME
Dear Bra Binzy
I had a one-night stand at a wild party and got pregnant. I was very drunk. I only discovered I was pregnant at six months. I now have a beautiful two-year-old daughter. I want to find her father but I honestly do not know who he is. People do not believe me. I am ashamed to even ask around. Help me.
– Anonymous, Kariba
Bra Binzy replies
Sisi, sisi, haa . . . this one is heavy but not hopeless. First, stop punishing yourself daily. One night does not cancel your humanity. It does not make you a liar. It makes you human with bad timing.
Let us be practical. Start with that party. Location. Date. Who hosted it? Who DJed. Who took pictures? You will be shocked how social media never forgets. Someone remembers that night. Quietly ask trusted friends who were there. No need to announce on Facebook with sirens.
If that fails, accept another truth. Some fathers remain faceless. That does not reduce your daughter’s worth. Many kids grow up strong without knowing half their DNA. What they need most is love, stability and honesty when the time comes.
Do not force a ghost to appear just to satisfy society. If the man surfaces, fine. If not, build your home without shame. Parenthood is not a punishment. It is a responsibility. And you are already doing the work.
PROPHETS, PERFUME
AND PREGNANCY TESTS
Dear Bra Binzy
I am dating a man who believes every problem needs a prophet. When we fight, he goes for prayer. When money is short, he bathes in oil.
Now I am pregnant and he says we must wait for spiritual confirmation before accepting the child.
He even wants the prophet to name the baby. I am tired. Is this normal or am I being bewitched emotionally?
– Confused, Gwanda
Bra Binzy replies
Haaa my sister . . . you are not bewitched, you are exhausted. Faith is good. Delegating common sense to prophets is dangerous. Pregnancy does not need prophecy. It needs responsibility, clinic visits and nappies.
A man who hides behind spiritual language to delay accountability is a coward in religious uniform.
Today it is confirmation. Tomorrow it is cleansing. Next year the child is accused of spiritual rebellion.
Draw a line now. Tell him clearly. This child exists. Biology confirmed it. The clinic confirmed it. Your body confirmed it. Prophets can pray, yes. But they do not decide fatherhood.
If he refuses to step up without spiritual drama, prepare to walk. Love should bring peace, not weekly deliverance sessions. God does not fear DNA tests or birth certificates.
Bra Binzy’s final word
Love without honesty is a scam. Faith without responsibility is noise. And revenge without healing is a prison. Choose yourself. Choose clarity. And remember, mfowethu and sisi, common sense is still the strongest protection charm we have.
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