adminHello there readers, hope you had a good week. This week i received the following message . . .
Hi Marriage Dr . . . my story is I date somebody whom I wish to be my future wife somehow. So she likes this but the matter at hand is she is saying . . . Ï cant sustain he lifestyle with the nature of my job.” So she now refuse to marry me until I prove that I can be a man, like the bible says men should be. We broke religious people, but I dnt understand what her point is. It is not fair on me as a man. Plz I knw she luvs me, and my family like her. But she put the brakes on marriage until she say I improve…Help me plz!
Dear reader
Life has never been fair to men, we even see that in the beginning of time where, we see the punishment given to man vs the one given to woman were very different. The woman’s punishment was a) increased pain in childbirth and b) her desire will be for her husband who will rule over her (and seriously this is hardly a punishment compared to the man’s one, unless of cause she ends up with a cheating, lying, selfish, self preserving, childish husband).
Adams punishment was that a) through painful toil he would eat of the land all the days of his life b) the land itself will not make things easy because it will bring forth thorns and thistles c) through seat you will eat your food until you die d) you will have rule over your wife. So you see woman’s punishment was apportioned each time she chose to bring another human being into the world. But mans punishment was until he died. So now let us bring us down to the reality of the situation. What your woman is saying is simply this…the law of the bible still stands and she is not willing to budge. You are the one who has the headship and the rule over her. You as the man have been given the mandate to look after her and your family with her. She is your helper, she is there to make your life easier. But the helper cannot help you if you do not give her the necessary tools to help you.
Now before we even get there, let us look at the scene playing out now in your relationship. You met this girl, she was happy, she looked good and was being taken care of. Here you come and you want to take care of her, you want her in all her beautiful, intelligent form to come and be with you. But my friend, for her to be what she is now, someone paid a price for her to be like this. Maybe she is paying the price herself, like so many women out there, they pay for their own hair, their own clothes, shoes, make-up, schooling etc. She has proved to date that she does not need you. There are people in her life before you that helped her become this amazing person that you fell for.
Now you like what you saw and you wanted it. You may have also had a taste or two or three of what you saw in her and now you want to put a finger on it. The problem is my friend, this woman is not on sale. She may be for sale, but she is not on sale. Look at it this way, the man is the Buyer, the woman is the Product, the world is the Wholesale and God is the owner who has put managers, store supervisors etc (her family & friends) in charge of the product.
Man you cannot just come and buy something at your own cost, just because you were allowed to touch it while it was on the shop floor does not mean you can take it away.
You need to check the price tag first. If you want to take it off the shop floor into your house, you need to have enough money to do so. Also depending on the standard of woman you get, you cannot just put her anywhere and expect her to flourish, it does not work that way.
If you are attracted to first grade; you need to pay first grade and also be able to maintain the first grade. If you can only afford 3rd grade; then my friend that is where you should be shopping, in the 3rd grade section of the wholesale.
Men so often criticise women who insist on living a certain lifestyle or who seemingly want to always spend; but was she not like that when you met her? It costs money for her to look that good my friend. There are no farm invasions in relationships. You can’t just take over another person’s/ family’s property and not pay for it. If you do you will be sorry later in the marriage. My friend if you cannot afford the package you have, it is best you admit it and move on to a less demanding package. Love is more than just words these days to many women. Love is an active word.
Yes there are some women who only want money, these woman are not serious. But when you find a woman who genuinely loves and wants to be with you, but she feels you cannot adequately look after her and the family in the future . . . you might want to think about what she is saying!
To be continued next weekWedding Doctor can be messaged/watsapped on 0772 933 845 or email: [email protected].
I am using a lot of metaphors my friend and a lot of examples and parables, with the hope that you and many other men who ask me the same question, get a clear picture of what it takes to be a man, a husband and a father . . . its work, hard lifetime worth of work. Even a dealer, will eventually one day find out that his dealings cannot sustain a good woman and a decent family; he needs something stable.
Gone are the days where everyone married for love. Nowadays women have wise up to the fact that a woman’s interpretation of love, may not necessarily be a man’s interpretation of love. If a woman says I love you to a man; he better know he is the only one she is in love with at the time and she means it.
But if a man says I love you to a woman, he may also be saying I love you to her best friend, neighbour, mistress, workmate etc. So woman are now in the business of securing a future for themselves and their families based not on a man’s “declaration of love”, but on what he can provide for her tangibly.
It is not just with working women, just look at University or College female students; who are the bulk of students going out with (Men with money regardless of whether they are married or not), why? Security! Man with money means her fees are paid for, her groceries are paid for, her clothing is provided for, her transport is sorted, her look is upkept and she gets to go to places she never even knew existed. Now not all girls are like that, few of the girls actually have boyfriends who are the same age etc.
These girls are rare, and usually their parents do not know of this poor boy. If the boy has money, then okay that is a different story. But ask any guy with alittle bit of money who has had to compete with another guy with money for a girl — chances are is that the guy with less money becomes the friend and the money guy gets the opportunity to become the boyfriend, husband or lover.
This is reality my friend, I am not even talking about people who are not religiously orientated; I am talking about everyone, from church going to non church going; peoples focus on relationships have shifted majority.
So my friend there is nothing wrong with your woman, she is only saying what many women think but do not say. She is saying if your want to go out with her that’s fine; but when it comes to marriage, you better be willing to provide her with what she is already providing for herself and more (because remember there are kids to come). Believe me, every man has had to make this decision sometime in life.
Some men might not realise it, because he probably chose a woman who was a lower grade than him (excuse the pun), so it was easy for him to provide for her because her needs where minimal compared to his needs. But for those men who choose a woman who is above their status; well start saving dear.
Think about it this way men, you win anyway, because when you get married, the woman will maintain the standard at home, with the family, with herself and even encourage you in that standard. You will benefit for the rest of your life, whilst she serves and loves on you. You will be respected in society for having such a beautiful well put together wife and home and family; yet the truth will be that it is your wife doing it all; you are simply providing her with the tools to make it work (like finances) Kikiki.
On the other hand, if you marry a woman that you cannot sustain, you are inviting permanent fights, affairs, lots of tears and a miserable marriage. She will eventually disrespect you and your family and might eventually fall in the arms of another man, and you my friend will be the only one to blame.
It is however at this time important for me to say that there are women out there who do not mind men that are still trying to make it in life; they have no problem supporting their men through schools, or through hard times, and if you find a woman like that – please do everything in your power to keep her.
But this is still no excuse for you to not be a man. There must come a time when you carry the major burdens of the family, making every effort to make her life of running your home and family easier. In return I promise you, she will make you the happiest man around.
So my advice to you my friend, is to listen to your girlfriend . . . get a better church, study harder or get a skill, start learning to pay rent, electricity, water, start doing things for her like giving her money for transport or to do her hair now and again. Maybe just maybe she might say yes to marrying you before you ask again….and maybe the Lobola price might be lower too because you are proving you are already looking after your woman.
Hope this helps, until next week God bless!Wedding Doctor can be messaged/watsapped on 0772 933 845 or email: [email protected].
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